


The S Word

by VirginSun (FullMoon918)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullMoon918/pseuds/VirginSun
Summary: It's been a year since Emma Swan married Killian Jones, and she's starting to realize that she may want something else for her life. A story of sex, secrets, and self-discovery.





	1. Straight

It was a grey and rainy Tuesday morning; exactly the kind of day that made Emma Swan want to fall asleep in her pancakes. 

On her days off she would normally take a run, drink a protein shake (followed by a sugary treat), and then settle in for a binge session of daytime TV, before meeting Henry after school. 

Today was different. Today she sat at the kitchen island, blankly staring at the marble top. Lost in thought, she took a drink of her coffee and grimaced. It was much too bitter for Emma’s taste. She got up and found chocolate syrup in the fridge and added it to the cup. Then she tightened her robe and sat down again with a sigh. 

On this morning, Emma’s future looked bleak. Maybe she couldn’t explain exactly what she wanted for her life, but she knew it wasn’t this. This kitchen, and this house, and this stifling feeling that weighed on her every time she thought of her lifelong commitment to Killian, her husband. 

 Emma’s mind turned to the conversation that they’d had the night before. 

 

*** 

 

Emma and Hook laid in bed naked, sweating. Hook from working hard to pleasure Emma, and Emma from the heat created in the room by Hook’s sweaty body. She had not come; she never did. 

Killian turned to her and grinned, and she didn’t have the heart to not return the smile. _Let him believe,_ she thought, not wanting to hurt her husband’s pride. 

“You know love, I’ve been thinking,” he said. He looked apprehensive. “Don’t you think it might be about to time to have a couple little pirates and swans running around here?” 

Emma was silent, her brow knitted as she worked through her inner shock. Of all the things Hook could have said, she hadn’t expected that. 

“I seem to remember that we actually talked about _not_ having kids, ” she said after a long silence. Anger had settled in with the shock. She got out of the bed and stared at him. 

Hook looked at her indignantly. “Why wouldn’t we, Emma? We’re man and wife, it’s the natural course of our relationship. Unless you’re saying it’s _me_ you don’t want to have children with.”

She took a deep breath. She didn’t want this to get out of hand. “It’s not that,” she placated, “I just thought we had agreed on this, and you’re really bringing this out of left field, you know? I wasn’t thinking about starting a family,” she said. Emma ignored the voice that said, y _ou have a family anyway_.

“Well, maybe you should start. We’re not getting any younger, Swan.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Christ, I miss not aging. Have you seen what’s happening up here? It’s like a lush forest turned bare for winter.” He gestured at his scalp and ran his fingers through his hair. 

_I have noticed_ , she thought spitefully, but she bit her tongue and left the room.

 

Emma laid awake for hours that night, replaying the conversation in her head over and over again. Was he serious about this? Or was it some kind of post-orgasmic delirium? Emma had never taken Killian for the type of man who wanted to be a father, and not just because he’d told her so.

The rays of moonlight left Emma feeling exposed; she couldn’t escape her thoughts now like she could in daylight. The more she thought about her and Hook having kids, the more panic she felt. Something ugly was bubbling up in Emma; a part of herself that she'd tried to ignore ever since she’d met Henry.

Emma was no angel, despite what her parents and Storybrooke’s residents seemed to think. She’d done a lot of awful things in her life; she’d stolen, lied, and hurt people without any regard. She had been utterly selfish on many, many occasions. All in the name of protecting herself.  

Emma knew that deep down, she was still that person. Her time as the Dark One had shown her that. The things she’d thought, and felt, and _done_ with the Darkness in her… They were eye-opening, to say the least. 

It was why she was sure that having another child would not be a good idea. The kid would get the brunt of those deep-seated issues. The responsibility would be too much, and she knew herself well enough to know that doing something that she didn’t want to would only lead to Emma feeling overwhelmed and caged. She would be proving to everyone that she was not fit to be a mother. Emma was hardly fit to take care of a hamster, let alone a young child who would depend on her completely. Emma didn’t want anyone to depend on her so much. 

She rolled onto her stomach, pulling the blankets off her overheated body. 

Regina…That’s what Regina was for. Making sure Henry always had everything he needed, and then some. She imagined Regina hand-mashing baby food for Henry. No, that wasn’t Emma. She couldn’t be good like that. Even with all those memories Regina had created for her. 

Emma was only a good mom to Henry because she tried to support him emotionally, and to always be there. And even _that_ she was falling short on. Emma should be more involved in his life, especially now. Henry was getting older, he was almost sixteen years old, so he didn’t have much time for parents. He probably needed her more than ever, though. Emma was giving him space… But there in the dark, where truths were coming clean, Emma admitted to herself that she wasn’t making Henry a priority. She had not seen him since his last stay at her house two weeks ago. He almost never stayed at Emma’s anymore, ever since she had married Hook. It made her sad to lose him like that. 

Emma couldn’t help but wonder if another kid would really be so bad. She _did_ wish that she’d actually been there for Henry’s childhood. She still felt a pang of jealousy wheneverRegina made little comments about things Henry did as a baby. Thinking of his soft baby skin and chubby thighs filled Emma with warmth.

Then her chest constricted and the feeling was gone. 

  _No, I don’t want it,_ she thought desperately. Every fiber of her body screamed no at the prospect. She and Hook were not having babies.

 The closer it came to sunrise, the heavier Emma’s body became and the lighter her mind. She fell into a semi-rest state. There she could think, but only just coherently, disassociated from her body and relaxed for the first time all night. Her muscles softened and her eyes drooped as she laid there. The shroud of denial that she’d worn all this time finally slipped away, and in that moment she knew the truth. 

 Emma didn’t want a baby with Killian because she didn’t love him. 

  

***

 

Emma’s focus returned to the present. She rested her chin in her palm, her shoulders sagging. Nothing would ever be the same again. The weight of knowing she’d made the wrong choice was unbearable. And in this pained, vulnerable state, Emma could not stop the truths that swept through her like wildfire. 

Emma had never really thought that she would go through with marrying Killian. Not until the day they had done it.

They had accidentally stumbled down that inevitable path to forever and True Love, but it never became natural for them. They had never had True Love’s kiss and Emma couldn’t forget that. But it was comfortable with Killian. A sure thing. And when they’d finally reached the end of the path, Emma was faced with a choice: break Killian’s heart or break her own. No matter what, she would lose somehow. And because Emma could never stop being the Savior, she chose his happy ending.

Her parents had been so happy, the town ready to rejoice at their approaching wedding. She couldn’t disappoint all those people by changing her mind. It was never even an option, and so Emma had proceeded forward even though her chest felt heavier with every step she took. 

Emma had fooled herself in thinking that Hook would be enough for the rest of her life. He was hardly enough when they were early into their relationship. A relationship built on tension, with no substance. She suspected that the heat in the beginning had actually stemmed from Emma’s intrigue at someone so wrong for her. She’d gotten off on their banter, their push and pull. 

But then he had chased her, weakened her resolve, reformed himself for her, and after the newness and lust had passed, Emma started caring for Hook for the first time. In a way that you start to care for someone after you keep saving each other’s lives. Yeah, there was some darkness and heartbreak in there too, but the essence was all the same. She had grown to almost love him, and for once the possibility of a romance that everyone wanted for her seemed attainable. She didn’t have to be alone forever, like she’d thought. 

But over time the heat had died, leaving a lukewarm stillness in its place. The sex had become lovemaking, and the last thing that turned Emma on was to see a sensitive, “lovemaking” version of Killian. A Killian puffing and glistening sweat and pressing his forehead to her face. She always noticed his eyeliner the most when they were having sex.

Emma knew that sex was not everything. They laughed together, on occasion. Most of their relationship was dramatic, heavy with feelings. She cared for Killian. He certainly loved her, of that Emma was sure. Killian would die for her, and he never stopped reminding her that she was everything to him. That he couldn’t live without her. 

_But shouldn’t there be something more?_ she thought. _Some kind of heat, or magnetism, or something?_

She desperately wanted to want Killian, but at that moment, the thought of being with Killian left a bitter taste in her mouth. She thought it might have to do with his total disregard for what she wanted. 

What she wanted… well that was another story, but Emma knew that Killian could not give it to her. Emma wanted women. To be touching them, kissing them, making them moan. _No, Killian definitely can’t help out there_ , she thought sardonically. 

Emma had always had these kind of inclinations, long before Killian. She’s had a few chaste encounters with girls when she was a teen, and then one near-sex experience with a woman she’d met in a bar. Emma still masturbated to that memory sometimes. 

Though Emma was very attracted to women, her lack of experience, both sexually and romantically, had made her insecure and unwilling to put herself out there most of the time. And all the while, she was attracted to men enough, and there was no shortage of men trying to make something happen. So Emma had ended up in heterosexual relationships and never had the opportunity to explore those feelings. 

 Emma’s only lesbian indulgence now came in the form of binge-watching television shows that had crazy hot female leads. Emma allowed herself to lust after Evangeline Lily in her cargo pants and dirty tanks, or Lucy Lawless in all that leather, or Jessica Alba in a catsuit. It turned out that Emma’s type was a take-no-shit brunette with a killer body. 

 Of it’s own accord, her mind filled with images of Regina. Emma’s eyes shut at the thought of her. 

 Regina was so fucking hot. From the first moment that she had seen her, Emma considered Regina to be unreal. That opinion had never wavered over the years. Her face was gorgeous, and her voice was _so_ sexy, oozing from those full lips, like honey dripping off her tongue. 

 Emma had fantasized about Regina on many occasions, teasing herself. She pictured them in Regina’s study, standing near the fire, and Regina turning to Emma with dark eyes and whispering, “Emma, are you ever going to just kiss me?” 

 Emma groaned at the thought, at the sensation in her body at the thought of Regina being so forward. Then she looked around the kitchen, making sure she didn’t have any witnesses. The house was empty. 

 Usually when she allowed herself to spend a moment longing for Regina’s touch, she hated herself shortly after. _You are married Emma_! she usually berated herself. _To a man._

 But today was different in that way as well. Today she allowed herself a moment to indulge and enjoy the throb between her legs. Then she got herself under control. 

 What the hell was she going to do with all this? 

 

 


	2. Secret

In the days following Emma’s emotional epiphany, she struggled with the weight of the knowledge she now possessed. Killian had, in the course of just those twelve hours, become completely unsatisfying to Emma. She tried to push the feelings away but when she did, her mind let other thoughts seep in. Thoughts about soft curves and little waists, or the way cleavage pressed out when a woman leaned over in a low-cut dress, or the slope of Regina’s neck and shoulders. Emma had been watching a lot more ‘Dark Angel’ over the past week. 

Now that she’d finally admitted to herself how much she wanted to fuck a woman and _not_ her husband, it was as though something had been let lose. The desire was insidious, curling through her very existence and turning Emma into a yearning mess. Her thoughts we obsessive, and the deeper she sank, the further she felt herself emotionally distancing from Killian. Emma doubted he’d noticed, since they’d barely spoken to each other since their talk that night. It wasn’t hard with Emma’s work schedule and all the time Hook spent on the Jolly Roger. 

Emma had no plan to act on her desires, maintaing firm boundaries in her mind. Emma did not want to be unfaithful, no matter what she and Killian were going through right now. She didn’t think she could handle lying, or sneaking, or breaking Killian’s heart. She couldn’t handle seeing him cry.

 

***

 

On her next morning off, Emma was at least in better spirits than she had been the week before. She’d gone for her run and showered, and was now making an omelette, singing to herself; for some reason she’d woken up with Abba’s “Take a chance on me” stuck in her head.

“If you change your mind, I’m the first in line, baby I’m still free, take a chance on me,” she sang, tapping her foot and the spatula in rhythm.

Her phone rang and Emma jumped, startled. She put down the spatula and wiped her hands, then grabbed the phone from the counter.

It was Snow.

“Hi Mom,” she said, switching the phone to her other hand and picking up the spatula again to flip her food.

“Hi Sweetie,” Snow crooned, something knowing in her voice. “How’s everything over there with you? Anything new?”

Emma was suspicious. “Um, no? Not really.”

“Nothing new going on with you and Killian?” she pressed. Emma didn’t know what she was on about. She couldn’t mean their fight, could she?

She turned the flame off and plated the omelette. It smelled amazing. She sat at the table and put the call on speaker, folding her legs under herself and digging in. 

“Do you want to ask something specific here? Because I really don’t know what you’re looking for,” Emma said through a half-full mouth of egg. 

“Well, I saw Killian this morning and he may have mentioned… well, he implied that you and he were thinking of maybe trying to have a baby.” Snow stumbled awkwardly through her words.

Emma choked on egg.

“What!” she gasped, “He said that?”

“Emma, what’s wrong? Did you not want your father and I to know yet? I won’t tell him, I swear.”

“He should never have told you that,” Emma said angrily. How could he? “It’s not even—” 

Snow interrupted. “You know what? Why don’t we just forget this conversation and I’ll wait for you to tell me when I’m going to be a grandma!” Snow finished with a squeal.

Emma’s stomach was churning and suddenly she didn’t feel hungry anymore. 

“Yeah, let’s do that. I’ve got to go Snow.”

“Emma—” Snow said but Emma had ended the call. 

She was furious. Killian had, once again, not cared about Emma’s feelings. Just his own.

Now Emma felt backed into a corner, baby fever coming at her from every angle. Emma knew that her mother wouldn’t let this drop. This was the first of many tense and awkward conversations that Snow would begin, and Emma couldn’t stand the thought. How the fuck _dare_ he involve Snow. Emma fumed, getting up and pacing the length of the living room. 

She needed to distract herself. She hated to be angry like this, with no outlet. She needed to act and make this right somehow. But there was no un-telling Snow what she’s heard. Emma wanted to yell at Killian, or punch him. 

An idea returned to Emma that she’d already rejected as crossing a line, but in the moment it seemed justified. _He wants to betray me like that? Fine, gloves are off._

Emma got out her laptop and sat at the couch. She pushed past her nerves as she opened her internet browser.

‘Lesbian bars Maine’ she typed in the search bar. A list of bars and club came up, all with corresponding pins on a map. She estimated where Storybrooke was and saw that a club was not too far from there. Maybe a half hour. She clicked the link to the club, called ‘The Pearl’. 

The club looked sexy, she’d give it that. It had a lounge kind of vibe, and the pictures made the place look huge. There were photos from events and the club was filled with hot ladies having what looked like the time of their lives. Emma wanted to be there with them, grinding on a girl and pressing her up against the wall, feeling her ass and thighs and burying her face in soft hair.

Emma flushed. She definitely couldn’t do that. _That_ would absolutely fall under the category of cheating. 

Emma was not one for believing that cheating would only count if she was with a man. She doubted Killian would either. Gender did not matter when you were letting someone else touch and kiss your body.

Emma wondered if anything at all was acceptable when it came to infidelity. A loophole to indulge in…Maybe hand holding? Emma snorted, imagining herself holding hands with some faceless woman (brunette probably) with full lips and a full gorgeous ass. Emma quickly dismissed her mind’s effort to fill in the blanks with deep brown eyes and a little scar over those full lips…

What about fantasies? Did those really count as cheating? If so, Emma was well and truly adulterous. She had involuntarily thought about grabbing Regina and kissing her on dozens of occasions. She always looked at Ruby’s legs and imagined touching her thigh, trailing her fingers up higher. And Elsa? Her neck had called to Emma so many times. She’d wanted to kiss and nip at it.

Emma _had_ to go to that club. If only to just experience the energy. She needed an outlet for this before she went nuts. And there was no way she was going to get it out of her head, now that she knew that The Pearl was just thirty minutes away.

She checked their upcoming event list. Friday night seemed good, and she was scheduled that night for a shift. She could work with that. 

 

***

 

When Emma saw Killian next, she didn’t bring up her conversation with Snow. She didn’t want to deal with the argument, and she didn’t want to lose the steam that was pushing her full speed ahead to The Pearl on Friday night. Every day that passed made her excitement grow, and by the time Friday arrived, Emma wasn’t even thinking about what Killian had done. She was focused solely on her plan.

Emma was so antsy she couldn’t sit still. Her shift at the station was uneventful, which had been the norm for over a year. After the Black Fairy’s defeat, Emma had been excited to finally rest and take some time off. And boy, did she get what she’d wished for. Nothing was _ever_ going on in Storybrooke anymore. The final battle seemed to have been, in fact, the town’s final battle. The worst that went on now were noise complaints about a very drunk Leroy creating some kind of scene. So she spent most of her time in the station watching her shows on Netflix. 

She was too distracted for Netflix today. Instead she’d spent most of the day tapping her foot and fiddling with her sheriff’s badge, waiting for the time to pass. David would be there any minute to relieve Emma for the afternoon, and Emma needed to talk to him. 

Emma felt slightly guilty about the lie she was about to tell her father. Even if she assured herself that Killian deserved it, David certainly did not. Emma didn’t feel bad enough to not go through with it, but she was going to try and get around the actual lying part. 

She waited for him to arrive and glanced at the clock over and over again. If she spoke to him quickly, she’d still have time before Killian came home. Enough time to find a suitable outfit and get ready for the night.

She sighed and looked at the clock again. Three minutes had passed. Emma turned her attention to the report she was “working on.” Her secret was that the same report was always open on her desk, ready to be scribbled on if anyone were to enter the station. The attempt at distraction was pointless, and she threw the report to the side. 

Emma had started worrying her stress ball when David came waltzing in, a boyish grin on his face and giving off the air of a man who’d had a good day thus far.

“Emma!” he said by way of greeting.

“Hey Dad,” she said and threw the stress ball to him. He caught it easily. Emma stood up. “So listen, I was wondering if you could take my shift tonight? I’m planning something, but I don’t want Killian to know,” she said, shifting her hips and stuffing her hands in her pockets. She tried to maintain eye contact and not give herself away.

David looked at her suspiciously, then his mouth slowly stretch into a knowing grin. “Ah, his birthday is coming up.”

“That it is,” Emma said vaguely. 

“I’m happy to help,” David said. He looked pleased.

Emma breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Dad,” she said, picking up her jacket to leave.

“No thanks needed. Oh and Emma,” he said. She looked back, almost at the door. “I can’t wait to find out the surprise.”

Emma smiled weakly and left. _Thank god that’s over,_ she thought. She hadn’t lied to David, and  Emma didn’t think on it beyond that.

 

***

 

“Killian!” Emma yelled as she opened the door to the house. She waited a moment for him to answer, but there was only silence. The coast was clear. 

She went upstairs to begin her search for the perfect outfit to say, “I’m not a lesbian, but I'm here to check things out.” Emma had done this once before, but it was in the early 2000s and styles were different. Her outfit had involved a handkerchief top and her hair in wet twists.

She searched through her closet, automatically pushing past the knitted sweaters and lace-collar dresses in the front. No, what she was looking for would be found in the back of the closet.

Emma grabbed several hangers of old clothes and threw them on the bed. She tried on a t-shirt first. _No, too casual_ , she thought. She pulled it off and tried a sheer maroon top, feminine but not too much so, especially when Emma tucked it into her skinny jeans. She inspected herself in the mirror. _Nah_. 

Clothes littered the floor as she tried outfits. Emma huffed and blew hair out of her face, trying to squeeze in to the fifth pair of jeans she’d tried. Emma may have been a bit more toned in the thighs when she’d bought these. 

She checked her butt in the mirror. The pants looked painted on and her ass looked tight. These seemed like a win. 

Another forty minutes passed and Emma finally picked a shirt. A black sleeveless tank that hung off her body, showing plenty of arm and rib. She accessorized with two necklaces, a wrist cuff, and chunky black boots. 

Emma gave herself the final look over. She tucked her hair behind her ears and grinned.

“Yeah, I look hot,” she said aloud. Someone had to. 

She took the outfit off and laid it out on the bed. Then she changed into workout clothes. She needed to go do some pull-ups. 

 

***

 

At ten o’clock Emma pulled up to the club, a single level cement building with a big neon sign on the front that said _Pearl_ in script. It was unassuming, with no obvious signs that it was a lesbian bar. Except, of course, for the butch female bouncer at the door. She leaned against the door frame, smoking a cigarette and looking Emma up and down as she approached the club.

“ID?” the woman asked. Emma handed her license over and waited. The bouncer looked it over and gave it back. “Thanks very much, Emma. Have a good night,” she said with a wink. She looked at Emma with frank longing and then opened the door to the club. Emma ignored the flirting. _Not my type_. 

Emma passed through the door of the club, and she immediately thought that it looked better than she’d expected. The place was decorated luxuriously, with a big chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, and dancers in cages throughout. The decor was white, sleek, with pink overhead lighting. It brought to mind a pink labia, and Emma assumed that was probably the goal.

Emma ordered a whiskey and Coke at the bar and looked around as she waited. It was relatively packed. Emma noticed several women checking her out as she stood waiting by the bar. She stood up a little straighter at that, feeling good about her outfit choice, at least. 

Once she’d gotten her drink she found a spot to stand near some couches and got comfortable leaning against the wall. She tried not to look stiff and adjusted her feet, first trying to cross them and then planting them both firmly. 

_What am I doing, I must look so lame,_ she thought, desperately trying to seem at ease. She felt as though the whole club was watching her, but she never looked up to see if it was true. 

Emma tucked her hair behind her ears and took a sip of her drink, finally looking around. No one was staring, except for a girl standing near the bar. She was clearly interested in Emma, making eye contact and smiling slightly. Emma smiled back. 

She looked down at her drink again, uncomfortable with maintaining eye contact any longer. _Maybe this wasn’t a good idea_. Emma considered leaving, going home and surprising Hook with her impromptu night off. Trying again with her husband.

But if she left, she would lose the opportunity that this place offered. She needed to stay for her own sanity, to get this lesbian thing out of her system. She wasn’t sure how exactly she was going to do that, but she had to try. 

The girl from the bar was approaching her. _Not a brunette_ , Emma thought, noticing the auburn tone to her loose curls. But she was sexy all the same. A few inches shorter than Emma, curvy, wearing little shorts and a cropped top so she was kind of falling out of her clothes. Her lips were pink and she had some freckles spattered over nose.

“Hi,” she said coyly. “I’m Megan.” She smiled up at Emma, putting on the charm. 

Emma immediately felt a jolt of arousal at the thought of touching this woman in front of her. _Her body looks so soft._

“I’m Emma, _”_ she said huskily and immediately cleared her throat. “Sorry, dry mouth.” Then she gulped down most of her drink. 

Megan laughed. “It’s nice to meet you Emma. You have a beautiful name.So are you here by yourself?” 

“Yeah, I am.” Emma wished she could articulate herself better but for some reason she was totally struck with nerves. “Sorry, I’ve never been here before and it’s making me a little nervous. I talk a little too much when I’m nervous so I was trying not to, but now I can’t stop. Ugh, see?” Emma scrunched her face in embarrassment at her word vomit. 

Luckily Megan seemed endeared by it. “Don’t worry, I think it’s charming that you can be so nervous looking the way you do.” She winked at Emma. 

Emma grinned and looked away. 

“So are you here alone also?” Emma asked.

“No I’m here with a couple of friends. _Bisexuals_ , so I had to break away and meet some hot lesbians instead.” She rolled her eyes at ‘bisexuals.’

“How do you know I’m not bisexual?” Emma asked.

“Because only lesbians have arms like yours.” 

Emma snorted and finished her drink, trying not to think on that. _Do I really look that gay?_

“Can I get you another?” Megan asked.

“Sure, whiskey and coke. Thanks.”

Megan left to get their drinks and Emma tried to shake off some of her anxiety. _Calm down, she’s interested. But shit, what am I doing? What do I want to happen here?_

Megan returned with their next round and they continued their small talk. Megan was from a town about an hour from the bar, Emma estimated it would be nearly two hours from there to Storybrooke. That was probably good.

Emma liked her sense of humor and sassiness. Megan rolled her eyes at few of Emma’s jokes, and she kept batting Emma’s arm playfully and tossing her hair. Emma found herself moving closer to Megan, turning her body toward her, getting flushed in the face. Megan moved even closer and their sides pressed against each other as they spoke. 

“So are you more of a player or a serial monogamist? I can’t really tell?” Megan asked. She kept glancing at Emma’s lips.

“Neither, honestly. I haven’t had many relationship or hookups.”

“Ah, commitment phobe then,” Megan said.

Emma laughed uncomfortably, “Yes if we’re being brutally honest.”

“Hey, I just want to know what I’m dealing with,” Megan said and placed her against against Emma’s stomach. “Mmm, your body…” She let the sentence trail off.

Emma felt like her body was overheating. She wanted Megan so bad. She found herself leaning in slightly and Megan did the same. Their faces came closer together. 

Emma snapped out of her stupor long enough to think _Cheating!_

She jerked her head back and said, “Do you want another drink? My mouth is super dry.”

Megan looked disappointed but agreed. So Emma excused herself to get another round of drinks and let herself calm down. She breathed deeply and slowly once she was out of sight, pulling her hair off the back of her neck and fanning herself. It was scorching in the club. 

When Emma was sure she could control herself, she returned to the spot where they’d been standing. Megan was gone. Emma looked around trying to spot her, but it was too crowded and dark to see very far.

Emma circled the dance floor, peering through the bodies, trying to find the redhead. _Maybe she went to the bathroom?_  

Emma maneuvered through the crowd, which was getting denser, and turned down the hallway indicated by the bathroom sign. It was a long hall with several doors marked for employees only. Emma walked to the end of the hall where she saw the ladies’ room sign and passed a hallway to her left. She stopped in her tracks and turned around, looking back down the hallway she's passed. 

Emma had seen women kiss before, but not like this. They were panting and rubbing against each other, the taller and butcher of the two pressing the smaller brunette against the wall. Emma stared at them, taking in the brunette’s leg as the other woman gripped it roughly. Her tan skin, her skirt pushed up a little past the knee. Her dark hair fell over her face and the taller woman gripped her hair roughly, pulling her head back to kiss the brunette’s neck. Her head inclined to Emma, revealing her face. 

Emma’s mouth fell open. _Regina_. 

Her breath caught in her throat and she stood gaping, transfixed. Regina rubbed herself against the taller woman and moaned, her eyes shut and her face tense with longing. Emma’s brain was short circuiting. 

The first thought to form as she recovered was, _She can’t see me_.

So Emma backed away and walked swiftly down the hall. She regretfully looked back at the spot where she and Megan had been. They wouldn’t get to enjoy this round together. Emma put the drinks down on the bar and left the club.

Emma’s mind was a mess of thoughts as she got in her car and backed out of the parking lot. She spotted Regina’s Mercedes. _Get the fuck out of here, Swan_.

Once Emma was on the highway back to Storybrooke, she calmed down enough to be able to process any thoughts about what she had just witnessed. 

_Regina_ … Regina was interested in women. _Holy shit._

Emma could hardly wrap her mind around the image of Regina biting her lip, her eyes shut tightly, enjoying the feeling a woman’s lips on her skin. Pushed up against a wall and being taken. 

Emma groaned and slapped herself on forehead. She needed to forget tonight. It was no good at all for her to start thinking about Regina so explicitly, not with the knowledge she had now. She needed to forget the sound of Regina’s moan, or how her hair had looked in the grip of another woman. It would only lead to serious trouble.

Emma was thankful to find Hook already asleep when she arrived home. He reeked of rum. He’d taken his makeup off though, so at least there wouldn’t be black smears of eyeliner on the sheets that night. 

Emma quietly dressed for bed and then brushed her teeth. She climbed under the sheets next to Killian and tried to let her body relax. She looked at him, trying to locate the affection she’d held for him before last week. He gave a grunt and rolled toward her, but did not wake up. 

Emma’s heart was beating fast though her body was still. It was as though she was afraid that any second, he would wake and know what she’d done. She was afraid that Regina knew that Emma had seen her. 

_She doesn’t know_ , Emma thought. _She can never know_. Emma breathed deeply, and after what felt like forever, her heart rate finally slowed. She was able to relax, and exhaustion quickly settled over Emma. _I can’t believe it, Regina…_ was Emma’s last thought before she fell asleep. 

 


	3. Sleep

Emma opened her eyes slowly; her head throbbed and her eyes scratched under the lids. She had only had two drinks the night before, but her body ached like she’d been hit by a car. Or at the very least, a bike. A hot sick feeling was lodged in Emma’s throat; she could throw up. 

She tossed in bed, remembering her dreams. They had been so vivid. 

_She stood in The Pearl. The dance floor was crowded, but Emma could see Regina among the throng of women. Emma tried to get closer, but no matter where she moved, Regina remained just as far away._

 Last night had been life _altering,_ in so many ways. Emma’s heart sped up as she remembered the energy she’d felt as entered the club. The excitement in her fingertips, the way the bass of the music vibrated through her. She’d felt such a high of anticipation, wondering what would happen.

 If only she had known.

 Emma looked at the clock. It was five o’clock and the sun wasn’t up yet. It was no wonder that she felt so tired; she'd only gone to bed at one-thirty. Hook was still asleep, passed out from his binge drinking the night before.

 Emma snuck out of bed and took some Advil, then changed into running clothes. She needed to get some air and think.

 She set out at a fast run, not caring if she got cramps in her side. She wanted to push herself to her limit, just so that she could spend a little bit longer not thinking. Running had always been the best distraction for Emma. 

 When she felt the mounting burn in her legs she pushed harder, ramping up the pain. 

  _Good you deserve it._

 As she got closer to the town line, Emma veered left toward the woods. When the ground became uneven, she slowed her pace to a walk. The morning dew was thick, obscuring her view of the forest. The coolness felt wonderful on her heated skin.

 She found herself at the old toll bridge, and decided to take a break there. She sat down and, without meaning to, conjured a bottle of water into her hand with a puff of white smoke. She jumped in surprise.

  _I didn’t even know I could do that!_

 She took long gulps of water and finally let her mind take over and wander. Everything was on overload. Her head and heart were numb. Emma was ashamed of herself for going to the club, and for what happened with Megan… The way she’d flirted with her. Emma had come very close to kissing Megan. 

 What had she been thinking? What had she been hoping to have happen at that club? Emma knew that there was no reason aside from the obvious.

  _I was planning to cheat. I was planning to meet a woman and cheat on my husband._

 In the harsh morning light Emma saw her plan to go to The Pearl as calculated. Hook was just the scapegoat, allowing her to act on her desires. But surely there wasn’t any desire worth compromising who you are?

 Killian didn't deserve this, no matter his faults, though he certainly had many. But his crime in this was wanting to have a family with Emma, _and_ being too loose-lipped with their business. 

  _He changed his mind, that isn’t a crime._

 The product of true love was not supposed to be thinking about cheating just one year into her happy ending; she should be singing and dancing in the woods, not lurking on the toll bridge, stewing in self-revulsion.

  _But you don't have true love with Killian._

 The worst part of all was that Emma couldn't bring herself to regret the night before. She knew one thing for sure now: being there had felt _much_ too good. She couldn’t deny the desire she’d felt for Megan, or how how she felt at the thought of having sex with her. Emma knew that she had been an idiot to think that she could get this out of her system by indulging her fantasy. If anything, now she was completely fucked.

 And then came the thought that she could no longer ignore.

  _I saw Regina Mills practically fucking a woman._

 Emma couldn't believe that after all this time she'd been secretly lusting after Regina, she could’ve actually tried to get her. She could’ve courted Regina from the moment that they had considered each other allies. 

 But what if she wasn’t Regina's type? Emma knew that she was attractive, and typically she had no insecurities about this type of thing. But the woman Regina had been kissing was more androgynous. She’d had short hair and was wearing a men’s vest with tight jeans. Nothing like Emma’s style, of which Regina had made snide comments about countless times. She’d also called Emma an idiot, self-righteous, clumsy, and a messy eater. 

  _No, there’s no way she wants me._

 And either way, it didn't matter. It was too late for what-ifs. Emma was married, and she hated that she had to keep reminding herself of that. She shouldn't want Regina; she _couldn't_ want her. But she did. 

  _Oh God, do I want her…_

 Emma was toeing a dangerous line, and it was time to call it quits, before anyone got hurt. If she continued this way, she would either fantasize about Regina until she drove herself nuts, or she would return to that club and make a move on Megan or any other attractive woman she met.

 Emma felt queasy at the thought of anyone finding out. It would break the hearts of everyone she cared about.

 Emma’s head started to hurt again and she decided to be done thinking for now. So she picked up again and set off. She jogged at a more reasonable pace than before, struggling to keep her mind blank and focus on the feeling of the ground under her feet as they struck down.

 But she couldn't quite keep out the flashes of Regina's skin and the way it looked squeezed under fingertips.So soft and supple...

 She wasn't ready to face Killian yet. The guilt was like a weight pressing on her chest, and Emma didn’t think she could look him in the eye and breathe normally. Emma stayed out for two more hours before finally returning home.

 

***

 

 

Emma was guilty long into the day and she overcompensated with Hook that night. She made him dinner and dessert, doted on him, wore a dress that he thought she looked good in. She even kissed him and called him ‘my captain,’ for good measure.

 And of course he ate it right up.

 It wasn’t awful, Emma had to admit: spending time with Hook, her husband, enjoying dinner together and then spending some ‘quality time’.

 But the sex was no better than usual. Emma tried to ignore her disappointment as she moved over Killian, and he laid there doing little to give her a hand. So she touched herself until she climaxed, and Killian gave her the kind of smug smile that suggested that he, himself had given her the orgasm. She ignored it, focused again on her roiling guilt.

 That night, Emma dreamt of sex with Regina for the first time.

  _Regina laid on a large bed, propped on her elbows and looking at Emma. Her satin nightgown rode up her legs, and its delicate straps fell from her shoulders. Her hair was mussed and her gaze intense. Emma’s mouth watered looking at her._

  _Regina did not speak, but Emma knew she was saying, ‘Come here to me.’_

  _Emma felt her body gravitating to Regina of its own accord, and she crawled onto the bed._

  _Emma pressed herself fully against Regina. Her skin was warm, and so soft. Her smell consumed Emma. And then she was naked, she realized, and she could feel every inch of skin touching Regina. She felt herself get wet and couldn’t help but rock against Regina._

_And after an agonizing moment of tension, Emma finally kissed her, slow and deep. They rocked against each other, and Emma felt a mounting frustration between her legs. She wanted to come. She wanted to have release with Regina, to relieve this excruciating limbo. Emma's body was desperate, and she ground down as Regina's hips pushed back harder. Her breathing became heavier._

_"Emma, Emma," Regina chanted in her ear. Emma moved faster._

_Why couldn’t she come?_

_The tension plateaued, but Emma struggled for release…_

 

She woke with a start. Emma was panting, laying on her stomach with her thighs squeezed together. Hook was asleep still, snoring, and their bedroom was quiet, the air still. It was dark, all but for the glow of her alarm clock. It was two in the morning.

Emma rolled onto her back and sighed in frustration. She was so turned on, but she could not in good conscience masturbate to that dream. Regina would be horrified.

So Emma laid there, trying to calm down, and wishing for sleep to take her again.

***

 

Emma was at Granny’s six hours later, wishing she’d made lunch plans with the kid instead of breakfast. Emma hadn’t fallen back asleep after her dream of Regina, and even though she’d been up with the birds that morning, showing up at Granny’s was very difficult. She needed silence and solitude and a big cup of coffee.

Henry was already there waiting for her. He sat at their usual booth and waved when Emma walked it. He looked excited to see her and Emma felt guilty again for not spending enough time with her son.

“Hey Kid,” she said, hugging him around the shoulders and kissing his head. She sat across from him.

 “You know I’m a little old for ‘Kid’ now,” Henry said.

 “You’re right, would it be better if I called you Young Man?” Emma asked teasingly.

 “No, I guess not” Henry grumbled, his face reddening. He looked down at his menu.

 Emma studied Henry’s face as he read over the menu items. He had some patchy stubble around his chin and jaw, and a bit of acne. His neck had become broader and his brows thicker. 

  _How has he changed this much in two weeks?_

Henry looked up and caught the watery expression Emma was giving him. “Mom, stop looking at me like that.”

 “Sorry,” she croaked. She looked away for moment and blinked the wetness away. She cleared her throat. “So what are you having?”

 “The usual,” he said, shrugging and closing the menu.

 “Yeah that sounds good,” Emma said.

Granny took their cue and came to take their orders. Two waffles with whipped cream. Henry looked at Emma with an amused expression. “No offense, but you look terrible,” he said.

“Thanks,” Emma said sarcastically.

But she knew she did. That morning when she’d looked in the mirror, she’d seen hues of brown and purple under her eyes.

“Are you feeling OK?” he asked.

“Yeah, everything’s good. I just haven’t been sleeping well,” Emma said. It wasn’t a lie.

Henry seemed to accept this, taking a drink of his cocoa.

“I’m sorry we haven’t seen each other much. I’ve been really focused on work and letting it take up all my time. I’m sorry for not including you more. I miss you,” she said.

“I miss you too,” he said, looking at her earnestly. 

Emma broke the silence that followed his words. “So, how’s your girlfriend?” she asked, grinning.

“You mean Violet?” he asked, frowning. The sweetness was gone from his expression. 

 “Uh oh, what is that face?” Emma asked.

“We don’t really talk anymore,” he said, looking down. “I don’t want to get into it.”

“What happened?” she asked with concern. 

“It’s really something mom and son shouldn’t talk about,” he said awkwardly.

 Emma took a moment to process his words, and then her eyebrows flew up and her eyes widened in shock. “Is this about sex?”

Henry blushed a deep shade of red. “Mom!” he said, mortified. “Can you please not use that word?”

Emma stuttered. “If you’re telling me that you’re having sex, I don’t think I can handle this conversation. You may need to talk to Regina.”

“I’m not having sex,” Henry said.

Emma was not listening. “But believe me Henry, you’re too young. Take it from the chick who had a teen pregnancy. You do _not_ want a kid.”

Emma realized her mistake a moment too late, as Henry’s face fell at her words. “Sorry.”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” she said pleadingly.

He shrugged. “It’s fine, I basically know that anyway. You did give me up for adoption.”

“I’m sorry,” she said lamely.

And then they sat in silence, Henry avoiding her eyes and Emma thinking that this surly version of Henry was so hard to talk to. They stayed that way until the waffles arrived at their table a few minutes later.

“Thanks,” Emma said to Granny when their food came. And then the silence returned as they ate.

Luckily the good feeling that comes with a buttery waffle did its work and the two began speaking again by the end of their meal. Their conversation remained safe. 

Until Henry mentioned Regina.

“Why don’t you ask mom when she gets here,” he said casually.

Oh no. “Your mom is coming here?” Emma asked, trying to remain casual. Inside she was panicking. She could not see Regina yet. Not so soon. Not when she was being haunted by intense flashback of Regina panting and moaning.

“Yeah, I told her we were meeting here and she wanted to come meet us. But I told her to come late so we could spend some time together,” he said.

“Oh man,” Emma quickly said, “I actually think I’m going to miss her. I need to run, I was supposed to be at the station by now. We’ve been having such a good time, I forgot.”

Henry looked at her suspiciously. “Ok…”

“I’m sorry Kid, but we’ll do something really soon,” Emma said, already getting out of the booth. 

She hugged Henry and told Granny to put the meal on her tab, and then she quickly left the diner. On the steps she nearly knocked her mother down in her haste. 

"Oh, Emma!" Snow exclaimed, Neal on the bottom step behind her. He was three years old now, and he was starting to look a lot like Emma.

Emma sighed. She didn’t have time for this. Regina could be there any time.

"Hi Mom, what's up? Hey baby bro." Emma leaned down and gave her brother a kiss.

Snow looked concerned as she took in Emma's face. "Sweetie, are you okay?"She placed her palm against Emma's forehead. "You don't look well."

"I'm fine," Emma said batting away her mother's hands. She was too tired and in too much of a hurry for this type of questioning. "I just haven't been sleeping well. Need to cut back on the caffeine," she lied.

"All right, if that's all it is..."Snow trailed off, not looking convinced. But she chose to drop the subject. "Listen Emma, I want to apologize for our conversation the other day—”

Emma interrupted her. "No it's fine, I'm over it.”

“No it's not fine,” she said adamantly. “What goes on between you and Killian is between the two of you, and I shouldn't be meddling.”

“It's not about meddling Mom. It's just that,” Emma sighed, “I don't know, Hook and I weren't even planning to have kids. We’d just had a fight about it a few nights before, so I was really pissed that he’d brought it up to you.”

Snow nodded. “I understand why you'd be upset. I’m sorry either way.”

“Thanks,” Emma said awkwardly.

“So where are you off to now?” Snow asked nervously, trying to keep the conversation flowing. 

“I'm heading to the station,” said Emma.

 “Oh, I thought your father was on today.”

 “He is, but I have some paperwork to get done.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Emma always had paperwork that she could be getting done. She just didn’t tell Snow that she was going to work on it in order to hide from Regina.

 Snow nodded. “Alright, I won't keep you. But I’d like to have a family dinner soon. I miss us being a family together. It feels like we don't see each other much anymore.”

Emma’s guilt tainted her cheeks red. “Yeah that would be nice.”

And then Emma saw a figure approaching in the distance, over Snow’s shoulder. She noticed the stylish trench coat and high heels. 

_Regina. Fuck, I need to get out of here._

“Mom, I've got to run.”

“You don't want to come inside and have a quick coffee?” Snow asked, disappointed.

“No, I just had breakfast with Henry and I really have to get going.”

Emma’s breathing quickened. Regina was approaching. 

_God, she looks amazing._

“Alright well I’ll let you know about a good time for dinner, ok?” Snow’s eyes we round, earnest.

“Of course,” Emma said, already beginning to back away.

“Okay sweetie, I love you,” Snow said, propelling herself forward and grabbing Emma in a very tight hug.

“Okay, I love you too.” She patted Snow's back and extricated herself forcefully. “Bye!” she yelled over her shoulder.

 Emma practically ran across the street to her car, and as she was getting in she heard her name yelled. Regina was calling out to her. Emma pretended not to hear and started the engine, making her get away.

 As she pulled out onto Storybrooke’s Main Street, Emma saw Regina in her rearview mirror. The brunette was frowning in confusion.

 Emma’s phone buzzed. She grabbed it off the passenger seat and attempted to read the text as she steered the car with one hand. She nearly swerved into another car when she read the message. It was Regina. 

**Are you avoiding me?**  

Emma hesitated, not knowing how to answer. She pulled over. 

**_Of course not._ **

**Why did you just run away from me.**

 Emma scoffed at Regina’s presumption. Even if it was true.

  ** _I wasn’t running away. You know, I’m a person. I have things to do._**

  **Oh please, we both know that isn’t true.**

 Emma decided lying would not work and that honesty mixed with ambiguity would likely be better.

**_I’m sorry, I have a bunch on my mind. I didn’t mean to ignore you._ **

Regina did not answer for several moments.

**Well I hope we’ll get to see you soon. Henry misses you.**

Emma’s stomach jumped at the text. 

_Does Regina miss me?_

**_Definitely. My mom wants to have a family dinner soon._ **

**That sounds nice.**

**_Great_**.

Regina did not answer that. Emma immediately regretted not saying something more interesting, or at least leaving an opening for the conversation to continue. 

_Good move Swan._

Emma re-read the texts between them dozens of times that day. Something about the messages gave her a giddy feeling. She couldn’t help but grin thinking of Regina missing her.

And that night, Emma dreamt of Regina again.

 

_There was no setting to the dream. It was Regina, her head moving slowly between Emma’s legs. Emma looked down at her, a leg draped over Regina’s shoulder. The brunette licked Emma’s clit with deliberate, firm strokes. She moaned into Emma’s pussy, and Emma felt herself shaking, tensing, moving her hips without rhyme or reason. She panted, rubbing herself over Regina’s gorgeous lips and chin, pressing --_

 

Emma woke with a start for the second time, and she clenched her eyes together tightly. 

_ Not again!  _

She couldn’t take another night of this. And she refused to masturbate thinking about Regina. The feeling of wrongness was just too strong. I nstead she woke Hook.

 “Killian, wake up,” she whispered, poking his shoulder. He grunted. “Killian, I need you.”

 He opened his eyes blearily and looked at Emma, not really focusing. “What is it?”

 “Will you go down on me?” Emma asked.

He was awake then. His eyes widened

“Alright, I can do that,” he said with a grin, a moment too late for it to seem genuine.

Emma didn’t respond but simply pulled her underwear off, tossing them somewhere on the bed. Hook took the invitation and repositioned himself on the bed between her legs (with some effort, due to his one hand). 

He began to pleasure her, but it wasn’t enough. Emma felt frustration at his hesitancy, his small licks in the wrong spots. Killian rarely liked to do this to her and it was obvious at this moment. 

She was wet, highly aroused from her dream, and Killian pulled back to wipe his face off before leaning forward again and continuing. Emma rolled her eyes, regretting the decision to wake him.

She tried to relax and enjoy his ministrations, but every time she closed her eyes she imagine Regina between her legs, dark shiny hair draped onto Emma’s thighs. Regina would be better at this.

It wasn’t working. Emma could not orgasm like this, but she felt uncomfortable telling him. So she faked an orgasm, hoping he wouldn’t notice. And because nearly every orgasm she’d had with Hook was faked, he didn’t recognize the hollow sound of her moan or the contrived motions of her hips. He just grinned up at her from between her legs, and then got out of the bed to go brush his teeth in the bathroom.

_He can go to bed with the taste of old rum in his mouth, but not my pussy. Really great._

 He returned and laid down again, rolling toward Emma and pulling her in to be his little spoon.

Emma said nothing, allowing him to hold her body close. She blinked back tears and prayed she would sleep again that night.

 

***

 

The next morning, Emma was in a terrible mood. Everyone and everything was in her way, and she could not catch a single break.

 First the coffee canister was empty when she went downstairs to have breakfast. Then she discovered that her favorite jeans had a bleach stain in the crotch. Then she arrived at work to find Leroy in the holding cell. Apparently he’d been at the center of a bar brawl at the Rabbit Hole, and David had brought him in.

“Woah, Saviour! You do not look good,” Leroy said when Emma removed her sunglasses. 

“Shut up,” Emma snapped.

 Leroy was not the only person that day to tell Emma that she looked like shit.

Emma went to the store that afternoon to buy some five hour energy shots and she saw Zelena in the produce section. She was holding the hand of her daughter, Robyn, and bruising fruit trying to find the best pieces. Emma turned away quickly to avoid an interaction, but it was too late.

 “Emma!” Zelena yelled.

Emma turned awkwardly and plastered on a look of surprise. “Oh Zelena, I didn’t see you there. How’s everything,” she asked, though her voice held little interest. 

“God, you look awful!” Zelena said in surprise.

“Wow, thanks,” Emma said dryly.

“Sorry, was that too honest? I meant to say, ‘Emma, is all well with you? You do look a tad bit under the weather.’”

“Mum-my, Emma look awvul,” Robyn parroted.

 “Sweetie, we can’t say things like that,” Zelena said to her daughter, her finger against her lips shushing, but giving the little girl a wink and a grin.

Emma rolled her eyes and shifted in frustration. “Never been better.” 

Zelena picked up Robyn and held her on one hips, smirking and looking Emma up and down. “I can see that. But might I recommend you get my dear sister to brew up a sleeping curse for you. It might do you some good.”

“Right, thanks. I’ve actually got to go now.”

“Robyn sweetie, say bye to Emma.”

“Bye Em-ma!” The child squealed.

 Zelena grinned as Emma spun around and sped away through the meat section. 

 

***

 

Emma dragged herself home that evening. She practically fell onto the couch and laid for several minutes with her face in the cushions, not moving a muscle. That was where Killian found her.

“Love, can I make you a cup of tea?” Hook asked. His voice was caring but hesitant, like he wanted to be there for Emma but didn’t exactly know how.

“Sure,” Emma said croakily, turning her head to him. It throbbed, and her limbs felt like they were made of lead. Her thoughts bled together. She couldn’t get Regina out of her mind.

Hook busied himself in the kitchen, fixing her tea. He whistled to himself. She was silent as she listened to his off-kilter tune, and the clanging of drawers and dishes as he worked.

When he was done, Killian brought a steaming mug to the couch and presented it in front of Emma’s face. “Smell that, will fix you right up,” he said.

Emma sat up and sniffed, then pulled her head back. “Oh God, there’s booze in that.”

“Just a hot one. Drink up Emma, you need it.”

She accepted the drink, though she had no intention of consuming it. Hook grabbed a blanket and when his back was turned, she placed the mug on the table beside her.

 “Mmmm,” she said, pretending to have taken a drink.

 Killian looked pleased.

“Do you think you’re falling ill with something?” he asked.

 “No, I just feel so run down. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days.”

“Oh? Why’s that Love?” he asked, draping his arm over Emma’s shoulder and pulling her closer.

 Emma relaxed into his embrace, enjoying the comfort. “I’m having all these weird dreams, and then when I wake up from them I can’t fall back asleep. Or maybe I don’t want to. I don’t know, it’s weird,” she said.

He stroked her forehead. “Dreams, eh? What’s going on in that head of your Swan?”

 Emma closed her eyes and didn’t answer. She just rested her head more heavily on Killian’s shoulder.

 _You don’t want the answer to that._  

It was her last thought before dozing off.

 

_It was hot, humid, and the setting sun shone through the window, casting orange and red into sweltering room. Emma stood watching a woman. Her back was to Emma and she was looking out the window at the desert colored sky. Her skin was smooth, her shoulder blades sharp, sweat trickling down between them. Her short dark hair clung to her neck._

  _Emma knew the woman but did not recognize her until she finally turned around._

  _“Regina,” Emma said, but the name did not escape her mouth. Regina turned and met her eyes, and they were infinitely dark, and deep. She walked to Emma, breathing heavily._

_Her hand reached out to Emma’s face and cupped her cheek. “Emma,” Regina whispered. She brought her face to Emma’s and kissed her. Her lips were soft and wet._

_“Emma, Emma,” she murmured against Emma’s mouth, and the sound vibrated through Emma’s chest._

_Emma gasped and pulled away, looking at her. Regina’s lips were red, swollen, and her eyes hooded. Her hair had Emma’s fingers tangled in it._

_“Don’t stop,” she moaned and moved in again to kiss Emma._

  _They wrapped themselves around each other, Emma’s arms gripped tightly around Regina’s back and Regina winding her hands through Emma’s long tresses._

  _“Emma,— I want you. Please—I want you. Emma,” Regina gasped between kisses._

_“I love you,” Emma said. She hadn’t known before that moment, but now she felt it with every fiber of her being. She only wanted to tell Regina over and over._

  _Regina moaned and tipped her head back, and Emma began kissing down her neck._

  _“I love you,” she whispered against salty skin. Her tongue traced up Regina’s neck, her breath hot against her ear._

_Regina panted and pressed herself harder against Emma…_

 

Emma woke suddenly, for the third time. Her eyes burned worse than ever and her body screamed, begging that she relieve it. She couldn’t take this anymore. This exhaustion, this consuming feeling of need. She was utterly wrought with misery and sexual tension. 

She glanced at Killian, but his back was to her, moving slowly and rhythmically. She closed her eyes and moved her hand down her body, under the sheet.

Emma’s fingers settled between her legs and she was not surprised to find herself soaked. The wetness was enough that her fingers slid easily through her folds. She sucked in a breath as she moved her finger lightly, up and down.

Her clit was swollen, pronounced under her fingers as she stroked herself. Emma’s hips immediately began to rock, and she opened her legs wider. Spreading herself made the sensations stronger.

Emma wanted to get it over with. She wanted to come and sleep, and so she wasted no time with teasing herself.

Her fingers strummed over her clit rapidly as she squeezed her eyes shut, letting her mind fill with the image of Regina’s swollen lips inches from her face. Of her licking and kissing Regina’s neck, chanting, I love you, I love you.

 Emma breast jiggled and her hard nipples scraped against her shirt as she jerked, getting closer to the edge. She tried as hard as she could to stay silent, but the bed creaked under her.

 As Emma neared her peak, she thought of licking Regina’s breasts, falling out of a lacy black bra; of Regina, pressed against a wall, moaning and biting her lip; she imagined sucking Regina’s bottom lip into her mouth.

 Emma came suddenly, harshly, gasping for breath and tensing in every muscle. She writhed on the bed silently, a groan nearly escaping her lips. 

  _God, Regina._

 Moments after her body stopped shaking and her breathing slowed, she fell completely asleep. Finally, Emma Swan could get a good night’s rest. 


	4. Subtlety

Emma sat at her kitchen island, enjoying a large bowl of Rice Krispies and banana. She was smiling lazily, daydreaming, reliving the fantasy she’d conjured the night before to put herself to sleep. She could not stop the blush that creeped up her neck. 

Emma had masturbated every night since that first night two weeks ago, and every single time it was to thoughts of Regina. She usually allowed herself time to imagine scenarios while she touched her breasts and stroked her hands over her neck and abdomen; then, when she was nice and bothered, she would fuck herself and come quickly, strangling her moans so she wouldn’t wake Killian. 

She hadn’t attempted sex with her husband since the lackluster head she’d gotten, preferring to handle things herself. And even if Killian had been any good in bed, Emma wouldn’t have allowed herself to be with him while actively thinking of Regina.

_And there’s no way I wouldn’t be thinking of her._

Emma groaned. Her fantasies about Regina had become utterly indecent. Regina could never know the way Emma had moaned her name as she peaked, pleasure rolling through her body. How she’d imagined Regina restrained, in all kind of exposed positions. Regina bent over and pressed tightly between Emma’s body and all varieties of surface. The list of positions and ways of taking the brunette that Emma had imagined was becoming extensive. 

And so, despite having told Regina the opposite, Emma was avoiding her like survival depended on it. And it did. Emma had an irrational feeling that she was violating Regina, looking at her naked without permission. 

Emma was taking her sweet time figuring out how she would interact with Regina now; guilt always showed on her. But their lives were too connected for Emma to avoid her forever… Even if she had succeeded for the past two weeks. 

Emma was sure that other people had started to notice her behavior. There were frequents occurrences of Emma leaving moments before Regina would arrive; it had happened twice with Snow and several times with Henry. 

In fact, Emma was pretty sure that Henry was orchestrating these threatened meetings; it seemed like he was trying to prove something.Henry had still not stayed at Emma’s, but they had eaten together a few times and gone for some long walks. The last few times they had done so, Henry had randomly announced that Regina would be there soon, because for some reason he needed [insert blank] from Regina at that very moment. He’d played innocent but Emma was sure she’d caught him smirking a few times. Yes, it was certainly deliberate. 

And of course Regina was well aware of the situation, but it seemed that she was not going to bring up the issue again. Instead, her communications with Emma were much less friendly, becoming short and direct, like, “Henry’s curfew is eleven, stick to it,” or, “We’re having dinner, wait.” Phone calls had stopped all together.

Emma could tell that Regina was angry with her, but she could think of no way to fix it. The logical solution was that Emma should stop avoiding her, but that was the last thing Emma felt like she could do. She couldn’t look at Regina, even _think_ about Regina without becoming incredibly flustered and overheated. How was she supposed to spend any time in the brunette’s presence and not clue her in to Emma’s attraction. 

Emma was jolted from thought by her cell phone ringing and buzzing on the countertop. It was Snow. 

“Hi Mom,” Emma said. 

“Emma, are you and Hook free this Friday?” Snow asked. “I’m planning our family dinner for that night.”

“Yeah, that should work. What are you gonna make?” Emma asked, getting up to look through the fridge. The cereal had not cut it. 

“I’m thinking roasted chicken and potatoes,” Snow said. “It’s really the only thing I can cook well.” 

Emma laughed. “Sounds good. Should I bring anything?”

“Nope, just bring yourself,” Snow said cheerfully. Neal could be heard in the background of the call, yelling for Snow’s attention. “I’m inviting Regina also, just FYI. So whatever is going on with you two, you’re just going to need to let it go.”

“But Mom,” Emma started. 

“NEAL, stop!” Snow screamed. “I love you honey but I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.” Snow hung up the phone. 

Emma stood gripping the refrigerator handle, processing her mother’s words. Then she put the phone down and dropped onto a stool at the island. 

“Fuuuuuuck,” she groaned, head in her hands. The jig was up.

_This is going to suck._

 

***

 

It was Friday night and Emma was freaking out. This was even more nerve-wracking than the hours before going to The Pearl. She tried to calm herself by taking great care in her grooming and dressing; she took a very long and hot shower, trying to relax.

When Emma entered the bedroom after her shower, she found that Killian was not getting ready there like she’d expected. Dismissing this, she toweled her hair and set about picking an outfit. 

_I’m going to see Regina tonight. Holy shit._

Emma’s stomach jumped with nerves, a mix of excitement and fear. 

She stood naked, looking at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t help but feel cocky as her eyes roamed down her toned stomach; then she turned and looked at her ass, the sculpted muscle with a bit of extra softness. _Not bad._ Emma was in the mood to flaunt her body but she also didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard. It was family dinner, after all. 

After much deliberating, Emma decided that she would wear a dress. She chose a casual jersey dress, navy blue, stretchy to show every curve and angle of her body. Emma kept her hair down and wore leather sandals. After she was dressed and had applied makeup, Emma once again looked at herself in the mirror and checked her butt out, giving it a resounding slap. She chuckled at her own cheek. _No pun intended._

Emma finished her makeup and finally went downstairs in search of Hook. Maybe he was already waiting? Emma would be surprised at that; Hook usually took longer to get ready than she did. But Emma did not find him waiting in the living room. 

“Killian?” Emma called, “Oh Husband of mine, where art thou?” she sang.

Emma heard a muffled response from the tiny half-bathroom behind the staircase. She approached the door and listened. 

“Killian?” she asked again.

Emma could discern Hook’s brogue through the thick wood. “Go on without me, Love. I’m…indisposed.” 

Emma frowned. “What does that mean?”

“I have a bad case of the shits, Swan. I’m not going to be making it for family fun time. Please send my regards and apologies.” And then he grunted and Emma heard a slow whistling of gas. She jumped back from the door, her face twisted in revulsion. 

“Ok, I’ll see you later!” she yelled, heading straight for the door and almost forgetting her keys in her haste. She slammed the door on her way out. 

If Emma had any hope of _ever_ wanting to sleep with Killian again, it was crucial that she get far away from that bathroom.

 

_***_

 

Emma knocked on the door to the loft at six-thirty, half an hour early, in an attempt to make herself comfortable before seeing Regina. She’d brought a bottle of wine and some coffee cake. Fidgeting as she waited for the door to open, she wondered if Regina would like her dress.

Emma did not have to wait long for her answer, because it was Regina that opened the door. 

“Emma,” Regina said with a smile, though it did not reach her eyes. She looked Emma up and down and raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “You’re wearing a dress,” she said appreciatively. 

Emma had to take a moment to respond as an eighties rock ballad played in her head; she took in the glory of Regina in slow-motion. Her hair was glistening like raven’s feathers, her skin smooth and rich, almost sun-kissed. She wore a sheer black sleeveless top that only partially obscured her lace bra from view, and her casual cropped grey slacks revealed her shapely ankles. Her toes were painted red to match her lips. Emma had to work to keep her mouth from dropping open. Regina looked good enough to eat. 

“And you’re wearing a tank top,” she finally said, smiling stupidly. “Hot out, huh?” 

She cringed. _I loathe you, Emma Swan._

Regina smirked. “Indeed. Well are you coming in or not?” She moved slightly to allow Emma to pass. Emma entered the apartment and tried to ignore that she brushed Regina’s body as she did so. Henry was reading in the living room with Neal next to him, the pajama-clad little boy’s head resting on his lap. Her parents were busy in the kitchen. 

“Sweetie, I’m so glad you’re here. Where’s Hook?” Snow asked, coming to hug Emma with one arm, a mixing bowl in the other.

“He’s sick,” Emma said, deciding not to get into the details. 

“Oh no, well we’ll send him food back,” Snow assured. She returned to the counter and whipped furiously at the bowls. 

Regina frowned at her back. “Snow, do you need some—“ 

“I’ve got it Regina,” Snow snapped, not turning around. “Just have some wine please and let me finish. We’re nearly ready to eat.”

Emma could hardly suppress her grin at her mother’s irritation with Regina, so she turned to Henry and ruffled his hair; he did not look up or acknowledge her. 

“Can’t say hi to your mom, huh?” Emma said, trying to suppress her irritation at his attitude.

“Hey Mom,” he said flatly, not looking up. Emma glared at his head.

“Would anyone else like a glass of wine?” Regina asked from the kitchen.

“I will,”Emma said bitterly, as did Snow and Henry. 

“Yeah right, Kid,” Emma said, snorting. 

“Worth a try,” Henry said, finally looking up at her, trying to force away the grin he wore. 

Emma softened immediately and smiled at him. _I just want us to be OK._

“David,” Snow called, “will you please move Neal to his bed? Emma, will you help me put the food in dishes? Henry, honey, will you set the table?”

Henry sighed and marked his page, then trudged off with untied shoelaces to set the table. Emma watched him for a moment, amazed at how big his feet were. 

Regina stepped in front of her, breaking her gaze and drawing Emma’s eyes to her chest. Her breasts were mesmerizing. Regina’s throat cleared, snapping Emma back to reality and her eyes up to Regina’s.

“Are you feeling alright? You seem really out of it,” Regina said, her face filled with concern. Then she reached her arm up to place her hand against Emma’s forehead, something she’d never done before.

Emma leapt back. “I’m fine! I just need to go to the bathroom.” And then she hightailed it to the bathroom. 

When she returned from blotting her sweat and giving herself a major pep talk, Emma found everyone sitting at the table waiting for her. Dishes of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli and asparagus, and rolls and gravy covered the surface. 

“Wow, Mom. This look unbelievable,” Emma said, her stomach suddenly growling. 

“Yeah grandma, it smells awesome,” Henry said excitedly. Leave it to food to perk him up.

“Emma, take a seat,” Regina said, gesturing to the chair beside her. David sat at the head of the table, Snow and Henry on one side, Regina and a chair for Emma on the other. There was no chair at the end of the table, and therefore no avoiding this. 

So Emma gingerly approached, taking a deep breath and pulling out the chair. She tried not to, but her knee brushed Regina’s arm as she sat; the brunette gave no indication that she’d noticed. 

Emma tried to relax and drank deeply from her wine glass. Everyone began filling their plates and passing dishes back and forth, and then there was silence, but for the clinking of silverware. 

“Snow, I have to admit that you’ve cooked this chicken breast to perfection,” Regina said some minutes later. 

Snow blushed. “Thank you, Regina,” she cleared her throat, “So how was everybody’s day?”

“Well mine was pretty good, actually,” Henry said through a full mouth. “Something _so_ funny happened in history. We were learning about the Black Plague and Mr. Wells was telling us how everybody died. Like, entire villages.”

“And this is funny how?” Emma asked. The wine and food was warming, making her feel slightly normal. 

“Let me get to it,” he said, rolling his eyes. “So anyway he was like ‘Whole villages were dead! Every single person. Bodies piled in the streets.’” Henry imitated. “And you know what Jamie Eckart said?” Henry could not stop laughing. 

“What?” Regina asked. 

“Who piled them?!” Henry proclaimed, exploding into laughter. Unfortunately no one at the table seemed to get his joke. He looked around at them disbelievingly. “Are you guys serious? You don’t think that’s funny? Who piled them if everyone was dead?”

“The plague is no laughing matter Henry,” David said somberly, his face pensive. 

Regina shifted in her chair, making Emma startle and choke on her wine.

“Oh my god, never mind,” Henry said rolling his eyes. Then his face turned sullen and he focused on his chicken, poking it with his fork. Emma wondered if she looked the same way when she was upset. 

“Don’t pick, Henry,” Regina said, taking a drink of her wine. Emma’s eyes followed the rim of the glass as it pressed against her lips.

“Regina, how has everything been in Town Hall? Any news on the city,” Snow said. The unusual lags in conversation were apparently making her uncomfortable.

“Yes we’re planning some new developments. A new mall and a nighttime venue.”

Emma was shocked. “You mean a club?” she asked. She could see The Pearl’s packed bar in her mind’s eye.

“I suppose,” Regina said dismissively.

“Who’s it for?” Emma heard herself ask, knowing immediately that the question was bizarre. 

Regina looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?” 

“I just meant, who’s the club intended for?” Emma said awkwardly, wishing that the floor would open up and swallow her. She finished her glass of wine in two drinks. 

“No one specific, just Storybrooke’s residents,” Regina said, not acting as though Emma had said something strange. Regina clearly had _not_ been thinking of The Pearl. Emma burned with embarrassment. _What did you expect her to say? ‘It’s a lezzie bar, Emma. Aren’t you excited?’_

“Well I think that sounds wonderful. Somewhere to dance,” Snow said, smiling at David and giving him a wink. 

Emma poured herself another glass of wine. 

“Yeah, the only place we’ve got now is the Rabbit Hole,” said David. He grinned and winked back at Snow. 

Snow got a dreamy look on her face. “I remember the balls in the Enchanted Forest. They were so beautiful and glamorous… anything could happen at one. I used to look forward to them for weeks.”

David took Snow’s hand and kissed it. “You know, I will never forget how beautiful you looked on the day of our wedding. You were like an angel, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.”

“Yes she _was_ the fairest of them all,” Regina said lazily, a grin on her face. The glass of wine she was having seemed to be loosening her up. Her lithe form was stretched back, her arm over the back of her chair. Her body was angled slightly toward Emma. 

Emma, meanwhile, was obsessively staring at Regina. 

“You’re just full of compliments tonight, aren’t you Regina?” Snow grinned.

“I’m feeling generous,” Regina said. She glanced at Emma, who looked away hastily.

Dinner continued this way, with ebbs and flows in conversation. Emma, for the most part, remained silent for the rest of dinner. She was focused on not making a fool of herself, and on ignoring Regina’s presence so close to her. So she nodded at appropriate times and made herself busy with eating and drinking. Once she thought she might be sick, she settled for just drinking.

By the time dinner was over, Snow and Regina had each had one glass of wine and Emma had had three. She was hazy but relaxed, content to just observe. She watched Snow begin to clear dishes from the table, and David and Henry left to search for a game for the group to play.

She observed Regina looking uncomfortable, hovering in the kitchen and clearly not sure of what to do. Emma gazed at her body appreciatively, noticing the way she looked from the side, the way her pants stretched over her hips and the fullest part of her ass.

“Emma, care to join me?” Regina asked, turning to Emma. 

There was nothing to do. She swallowed hard and nodded. 

As they sat together on the couch, Emma’s mind became suddenly sharper. She was aware of every centimeter between their bodies, and she wasn’t sure if she was imagining feeling the heat from Regina’s skin. Breathing became more difficult. 

“I’m happy to see you, Emma,” Regina said, looking seriously at her; though her tone was detached, her eyes betrayed the deep feeling there. “I almost expected you to not show up, the way you’ve been darting whenever I see you.”

Emma’s drunken heart wanted yell, “You don’t understand, you have made me want you so bad, I can’t think straight!”

Shame radiated from her cheeks but she said, “I haven’t been—.”

“Let’s not pretend,” Regina said pointedly. 

Emma said nothing, instead looking at everything but Regina’s face. She could tell the brunette was getting frustrated, tapping her foot as she waited for Emma to speak. 

“You know, you’ve really hurt Henry,” Regina whispered accusatorially. “Have you even noticed?”

Emma met her eyes at that, frowning. Even if what Regina was saying was true, it seemed uncalled for. “That’s not fair, he’s mad at everyone. Why am I different?”

“He’s difficult right now, yes,” Regina paused, “But you have made him feel like you don’t care about seeing him anymore. He’s started blaming me, because he thinks you and I have had some kind of fight.”

“Why would he think that?”

Regina fixed her with a critical eye. “Well dear, you haven’t wanted to be in the same room as me for weeks.And even before that, you stopped coming over for dinner or doing anything that the three of us used to do together.”

“First off, I used to come for dessert,” Emma corrected drunkenly. _Idiot!_ she screamed at herself. Regina rolled her eyes. She continued in a whisper, “and second, I _try_ to spend time with him and he’s never free! And the only times he ever is, he seems to double book and shift halfway to do something with you.”

“Well maybe he doesn’t want more alone time for the two of you. Did that ever occur to you?” Regina snapped. Her cheeks were flushed in anger. Emma wanted to lean forward and kiss along her jaw. 

“No,” Emma said.

Regina glanced around to be sure no one was listening to them. Snow was conveniently immersed in washing dishes and Henry and David had not returned. When she spoke again, her voice was a whisper again.

“Well consider it, because Henry’s feeling like the happy home he grew to know is now lost to him, and now it’s just shuffling back and forth between his ‘divorced’” Regina made air quotes, “mommies. It’s not fair to him for you to just escape into that house with Hook because you’re on an overextended honeymoon.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Emma said, frowning. 

“What goes on between you and that handless idiot is not my business. Only Henry is,” Regina said with finality. She looked away and finished off her wine. 

Emma was at a loss for words. Regina was right. Emma had already acknowledged to herself that she was being a shit mom to Henry. _Why am I arguing with her?_

She needed peace offerings. So she got off the couch and opened a new bottle of wine, returning to the couch to refill both their glasses. Emma noticed Regina look sideways at her and roll her eyes, but she also noted a hint of a smirk. 

Emma put the bottle away and sat down again, turning toward Regina and slightly bridging the small space between their bodies. 

“You’re right, and I want to make things better. I feel like a total shit, making Henry feel this way. And you.” 

Regina wouldn’t face her fully, her body still guarded. “Oh?”

“What do you think of hanging out on Tuesday. It’s my day off so I can meet Henry after school and we’ll grab groceries and make dinner for you? Then we can all watch a movie or something?” Emma wanted to fix this. She would have to just deal. She could be around Regina and not lose it.

“Tuesday is a school night,” Regina said. 

“Yes and he’s fifteen, so he will be up all night anyway.”

Regina made the appearance of thinking it over before finally sighing. “Alright, that sounds nice.”

Emma grinned and took another drink of her wine. She was starting to become sloppy, she could feel it. 

“I’m definitely walking home,” she said. 

“Yes, as am I,” Regina said, leaning back into the couch and smiling. Emma studied her profile, her heart swelling. 

Henry and David reentered the living room. “We’ve got Taboo!” Henry announced. 

“Hey, Kid, what do you think if Tuesday we make dinner for your mom?” Emma asked casually. 

“Yeah, that’s cool,” Henry said just as casually, but Emma could tell he was psyched. Regina looked placated. 

“So what’s Taboo?” Emma asked.

“Only the best game in the world. David, and I play all the time,” Snow said, sitting down in the living room.

“But how, you need four players?” Henry asked. 

“We manage,” Snow said. She and David exchanged a flirty smile. 

Regina cleared her throat. 

“Sorry,” Snow said, returning her attention. “You just have to get your teammates to guess the word on the card, but you can’t use any of the three words listed there to describe it. You’ll see, it’s fun.” 

“Ok, moms, you’re a team with grandpa. Grandma, we’re in it together.” 

“Hey, why do they get three members and we have two,” Snow complained. 

“Mom is carrying Emma’s and Grandpa’s weight,” Henry stated bluntly. Snow nodded her agreement. Emma rolled her eyes and Regina laughed. 

The game began and it turned out that the Charmings really did love Taboo. And Emma _really_ loved being so close to Regina. The couch sagged where they were sitting, and each time one of them sat down again after their turn, their bodies sunk a little closer on the couch. And as she kept drinking and so did Regina, Emma eventually found herself completely touching the brunette; their arms overlapped and their thighs pressed together. And while Regina did eventually scoot over a little, there was still almost no space between them. 

After a moment of deliberation, Emma put her arm behind Regina on the couch, just hairs away from touching her. A hum began in her body, her excitement increasing. 

Snow was yelling something at Henry but Emma could hardly pay attention. She was so aware of Regina’s body, and how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss her neck when Regina laughed and threw her head back.

David buzzed the alarm when time was up and Regina cheered, revealing that she liked to talk trash when she got competitive. “What else could I have expected, you _are_ friends with birds and dwarves,” she said haughtily, leaning back into Emma. 

And when she didn’t immediately pull forward, Emma did the unthinkable; she curved her arm around Regina’s waist. 

She hadn’t meant to do that; frozen, barely breathing, she waited for Regina to react. 

_Fuck_!

Regina slowly turned to look at Emma over her shoulder, her eyes questioning. 

Emma removed her arm quickly and tried to laugh. Then a wave of panic and lightheadedness hit her. Then nausea. It was time to go. 

She pulled herself off the couch. 

“Guys I don’t feel so good, I need to get home.” 

“Oh no, are you going to be sick? David, will you drive her home?” Snow asked.

“I’m fine, I’ll walk back,” Emma said. 

“Wait, Emma—“ Regina said.

“The cool air will be good, but thanks,” Emma spoke over her. She checked her pocket to confirm that she had her phone. “I’ll call to let you guys know that I got back safe. Good night.”

Emma stumbled from the apartment and slammed the door behind her. She’d made it to the landing when the door opened and slammed again. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Regina followed her onto the landing. “Emma, what the hell is going on with you?” she asked, blocking the staircase and crossing her arms expectantly. 

Emma sighed, swaying a bit. “Regina, I’m in no state of mind to talk right now. I just need to go home and sleep.” 

“I refuse to accept that. I want to know why you’re acting like you can’t stand to be around me. What could I possibly have done to warrant this?” Though her voice was angry, her eyes were desperate. Regina wanted to fix this, Emma could tell.

“You haven’t done anything. I just… I can’t explain.” 

“Why not?” Regina asked.

_Because I want you. Because I want to consume you and have you in every possible way._

“I can’t talk about this,” Emma said, shaking her head, attempting to move around Regina to the stairs. But Regina stepped forward to halt her, and suddenly they were in each other’s space. 

Emma’s breath hitched noticeably and excitement shot through her body.

Regina glared at her suspiciously and then her eyes dropped, slowly taking in Emma’s form, stopping for a moment to watch Emma’s rapid breathing and thumping heart. Emma could not control herself; she could only stand stock still and hope that Regina would not see through her… or that she would, and might put Emma out of her misery. _Stop!_

But Regina’s gaze felt like fire on her skin. 

When Regina’s eyes finally met Emma’s they were wide, her pupils dilated. Her breathing matched Emma’s. They stood there, breathing in each other’s air, not looking away. Emma could smell the wine on both of them. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Regina breathed. 

Emma’s eyes dropped immediately to Regina’s lips and she felt her temperature rising, the ache low in her belly getting stronger. Emma could almost touch her.

The wine she’d drank was making her hazy, making her warm and willing to just move forward a little bit more. All the voices in Emma’s head, screaming at her to stop, went on mute. She could hear her heart beating in her ears. She leaned in. 

Regina’s breath caught in her throat and Emma felt the gust of air on her lips. And with that sensation, the volume came back on and she was once again hearing, _Stop! You’re going to kiss her, stop!_

She pulled back. 

“I’m sorry, I-” Emma gasped. She didn’t look Regina in the eye, afraid of her reaction. Instead she quickly side-stepped her and descended the stairs, leaving the silent brunette on the landing. 


	5. Strain

Emma rushed down the stairs of the her parents’ apartment building, bursting through the front doors and setting out at a run. She slowed down about three blocks away, coming to a stop and panting, leaning against a brick wall. 

Emma covered her face with her hands and groaned, feeling shame seep through her. 

Regina was never going to speak to her again. Because as much as Emma felt in her heart that Regina had _let_ her get so close to kissing her, Emma was drunk and not in a reliable state of mind. She was likely to have projected her feelings onto Regina. _What if I made the entire thing up?_

Emma laughed at herself; what a joke she’d been tonight. Why had she drank so much? What had possessed her to think that lowering her inhibitions around Regina would be a good idea? 

But Emma hadn’t been thinking about that at all. She’d been concerned with how anxious she’d felt, so close to Regina; she’d needed a lubricant to survive the meal. 

Her phone vibrated. Emma pulled it from her pocket. It was Regina. She pressed a button and silenced the phone, putting it away again. No, speaking to Regina right then wouldn’t be a good idea. Emma couldn’t trust herself not to reveal all of her feelings. 

All she could think as she walked home was, _I almost kissed her. Jesus, I was so close to kissing her._

When she arrived home Hook was in the bathroom still. Or maybe again? She didn’t care. She yelled to him that she was home and then went upstairs. She quickly changed and then collapsed into the bed. Normally she drank two glasses of water before going to bed drunk; it prevented hangovers. But Emma couldn’t be bothered tonight. She was too ashamed to care about anything but smothering her face into the mattress and praying that when she woke in the morning, the whole thing will have been a dream. 

But it was not a dream.

Emma’s eyes flew open the next morning, accompanied by a rush of thoughts. She remembered running from the apartment, feeling Regina’s breath on her lips. Hook laid beside her in bed, curled into a fetal position and clutching his stomach as he slept. 

Emma wanted to block out the memories, erase the feelings that made her heart thud in her chest and her mind become frantic. So she tried, for two days. Emma attempted to deny what had happened, distracting herself any time the oppressive thoughts threatened to overtake her. She cleaned every surface of their house. Detailed cleaning, too. She got into every crevice of the fridge, dusted every high corner. She even waxed the wood floors. Emma kept herself busy and only thought of Regina and that night in spurts of emotion, letting little doses build her immunity. 

The predominant feeling was that of terror; terror that she had ruined her relationship with Regina in just a few moments. The brunette had not called her again after that night. It clearlydidn’t matter that Regina slept with women. It didn’t matter that they were close, or that they shared a son. Anything that could have alluded to something more occurring in their relationship did not justify how Emma had moved in to kiss Regina without the brunette explicitly saying she wanted it. 

Emma _always_ waited to be kissed, or waited to be told that she was wanted. And she certainly never kissed people when she was drunk. People who were very important to her and unbearably perfect and superior. She had risked everything in a moment of lust and impulsivity.

And then there was the guilt and regret. The feelings that could strangle Emma if she focused on them too hard. Emma felt a knot in the pit of her stomach every time she looked at Killian. The dishonesty was painful. She wanted to tell him what she’d done, what she felt for Regina. She wanted to explain herself to him, and hope that he would understand that this was out of her control. She couldn’t help how she wanted women, nor could she help how she had started to feel about him. 

But Emma couldn’t bring herself to say those things. She didn’t want to go through the mess that it would cause. Hook’s life would be ruined because of her. He gave up everything for her, and he didn’t deserve to lose the woman he loved for a second time. How could they be around each other in a small town like Storybrooke? He’d have to leave, and then Emma really _would_ be ruining every single thing in his life. 

Most importantly, Emma had said _vows_. She’d made a promise. That meant something to her. As a person who prided herself on being a person who does what she says, if nothing else, backing out on her word would leave her as nothing. 

But now that she’d begun this, started sliding down this slippery slope, the promise that Emma had made to Hook was getting more difficult to keep, and easier to ignore. Most of Emma’s distress was focused on Regina and _not_ on her husband.

If only she had kept her cool. She wished she could rewind back to the moment when she’d had the opportunity to move seats, and instead she’d stayed to get the chance to touch Regina by accident. If she had just left the couch, all the resulting mistakes would have been avoided. 

She wouldn’t have been able to feel Regina’s weight against her. She wouldn’t have found out that her arm fit perfectly around Regina’s waist… or what Regina’s breath smelled like after a few glasses of Merlot.

Emma couldn’t resist thinking about how Regina had not stepped away. She had not put her hands on Emma’s chest and pushed her back, maintaining their distance. She had simply looked Emma up and down, surveying. Her eyes had been filled with lust; she’d breathed and moved like she wanted Emma. It brought to mind images of Regina pressed against a wall in the dark hallways of The Pearl; Emma could easily picture herself there, kissing Regina hungrily, feeling Regina’s arms wrapped around her, the brunette’s core pressed warmly against Emma’s abs.

On Monday Emma finally came to the conclusion that all did not have to be lost with Regina. They could still be friends, right? All Emma had to do was act like nothing had happened. Then the ball would be in Regina’s court, to either drop or throw back at Emma. 

She decided that she would keep her plans with Henry and Regina the next day. It was crucial that Emma not drag out the awkwardness. She was the one who had started this nightmare. She needed to defuse it before it became a complete disaster. So what if her palms would be sweaty and her heart beating a mile a minute? She could deal. 

 

*** 

 

Emma waited outside the grocery store at fifteen past three. Henry was late and Emma wished that he would just get there. She needed a distraction from thinking about the night ahead. 

When Henry finally arrived, she could tell how pleased he was to be meeting her.She let go of her annoyance. “This is so cool, we finally get to pick something besides salmon versus tilapia,” he said. 

“I’m thinking Mexican?” Emma asked. 

“Yeah, like tacos? Mom will like that. You would never guess but she’s obsessed with sour cream,” Henry said. “You want to push the buggy?” 

“Not really— ” she said, but he’d already started walking into the produce section. 

Henry selected lettuce, tomatoes, and avocado, taking much more care than Emma would ever expect from a teenager. When she commented on this, he shrugged. 

“Good ingredients make a good meal,” he said. 

“Have you been watching Food Network again?” she asked. 

“Of course,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But Mom always says that.” 

They turned down a different aisle, coming up to spicing packets and dinner kits. Henry picked a taco dinner kit and threw it into the basket. 

“Kid, the shells,” Emma cringed. 

“So Mom, can I ask you something?” Henry said, not looking back at her.

“Sure,” she said. Henry seemed as though he’d been building up to this. Emma was sure she was not going to like his question. 

“What’s going on with you and Mom?”

Emma was stunned silent. Henry stopped walking and looked at her expectantly. She had to say something. 

“Well, I mean, nothing is going on, per say. I’ve just wanted some space from Regina.” Terrible answer, she knew.

“Why?” he asked, brow furrowed. 

“To be honest Kid, I haven’t really been enjoying her company,” Emma lied, looking at the ground. It sounded ridiculous to her own ears. 

“Oh,” he said, turning ahead and they continued to peruse the aisles.Then Henry continued casually, “ That’s funny, because I had the distinct impression that you liked her company a little _too_ much.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emma asked, frowning and stopping the cart. She glared at Henry. 

“I just mean that you have the hots my mom,” he said. He looked her dead in the eye.

“I do not,” said Emma. 

“You don’t need to deny it, Mom. I know why you’ve been avoiding her. And I know you think it’s weird to talk about this with me, but I’m very mature. I can handle it. It’s not like it’s out of the blue or something.”

Emma could not believe this was happening. “It’s not?” 

“Are you shitting me?” Henry exclaimed, laughing. 

“Is that really necessary?” Emma asked. She glanced around to make sure no one was listening. 

He shook his head at her condescendingly. “Mom, it may seem to the casual observer that you and Mom are enemies turned friends, admittedly with an interesting dynamic. But to me, your son? I just think you two are completely in love with each other.”

“I’m not in love with your mom,” Emma said. 

“Sure you’re not.”

“We’re not talking about this anymore,” she snapped. Emma continued pushing the cart and walked ahead of him.They reached the dairy aisle and Emma picked up cheese and sour cream. 

Henry was not done, though. “Fine, but I think you should just tell her how you feel. You were so weird the other night at dinner.”

Emma’s face burned with embarrassment. She wheeled to the meat section. “Do we really need to talk about that night.”

“I can see that you’re distressed,” he said laughing, “So I won’t go on. But all I’m saying is that she might have already guessed how you feel, after Friday. So you should just go ahead and tell her.”

They picked ground beef silently and then went to checkout. The conversation did not continue until they were in the bug, groceries packed in the little hull. 

Emma put the keys in the ignition but did not start the car. She stared at the steering will, wondering if she was desperate enough to actually say this. _Yep, I am._

“You really think she knows?” Emma asked, finally looking at him. 

Henry looked relieved that she wasn’t denying it. “Well, Mom is smart. And you were totally obvious. So probably.”

Emma closed her eyes. “She doesn’t feel the same way.”

“How do you know?”

Emma threw her hands up. “I don’t know, instinct.”

“Uh, Mom, that’s hardly forensic evidence. You need to tell her, this is obviously taking its toll on you.” 

Emma ignored his comment. “Kid, it doesn’t only matter how I feel. It also matters how _she_ feels.”

“Well, what _she_ feels,” he said rolling his eyes, “is exactly what you feel. So don’t worry about it, just make a move.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do,” he said with finality. He crossed his arms and looked ahead, the resemblance toRegina uncanny. The thought made Emma’s stomach flutter. 

“Henry, I never want you to speak about this with anyone, do you understand?” she asked, starting the car. 

“Yeah, yeah, your secret is safe with me. Just do me a favor and give it a break with the whole, darting-from-the-room thing. It’s getting really annoying.” 

“I’m making dinner at your house. Obviously I’m trying to get past that.” She spied Henry grinning out of the corner of her eye. 

They remained in companionable silence for the rest of the drive, Emma lost in thought. Henry was too smart for his own good. She wished she could tell Regina how ballsy he’d been to bring this up, but _that_ wasn’t going to happen, for obvious reasons. 

 

***

 

Emma stared around Regina’s kitchen, not sure where to start. She didn’t know where anything was kept.

Henry, luckily, took pity on her.He started pulling out bowls and knives, also grabbing two chopping boards. “We need to be organized or there’s going to be a huge mess.” 

“Regina taught you that?” Emma asked.

“Of course,” Henry said. He sorted through the vegetables methodically, preparing them to be rinsed. 

Finally, Emma had something to do when Henry presented her with a freshly rinsed tomato. She donned an apron and began chopping. 

“So Mom, what about you and Hook?” Henry did not look up from his onion. 

“I don't know about me and Hook,” Emma said. “I haven't really figured out what I want to do about anything. I'm kind of just running on hot air right now.” 

“I think if you don't want to be with him, you shouldn't be with him,” said Henry.

“That's easy for you to say,” she said. “You’ve never been married. This isn't like breaking up with your girlfriend. I promised him I'd spend my life with him, legally. How can I just back out on that? And not even after years and years… It hasn't even been two years for God's sake!” 

Emma stopped, needing to get her mouth under control. Henry was not her best friend, he was her fifteen-year-old son.

Henry didn’t seem to mind.He said, “I may never have been in a relationship, or gotten married or any of that stuff, yeah. But that doesn't mean that I don't get things. I am the truest believer, right?”Emma nodded. “And I believe that you deserve True Love, Mom. And if that's not what Hook is? Then you deserve better.”

“You make it sound simple, Kid.” 

“No, I just get down to the point,” Henry said. 

“You'd be okay with it? If I wasn't with Hook anymore, and… ” she trailed off.

“If you were with Mom instead? Totally.” Henry looked gleeful at the thought. 

“Hmmm,” she said, focusing again on her chopping. _Am I seriously entertaining this?_

Henry began browning the meet at the stove, his back to Emma.The sizzling of the pan rang through the silence. 

After some time, Henry said, “What if I helped you?”

Emma turned around. “How on earth could you help?” she asked, eyebrow raised. 

Emma could hear the grin in his voice. “I could fish around for a little info. See if I can get Mom to confirm that she likes you.”

“You absolutely may not do that,” Emma said quickly. “No way Kid, stay out of it.”

He turned around and whined, “Come on, we can make a thing of it. Operation Two Moms.” Henry laughed.

“Shut up,” Emma said. She threw a piece of tomato at him. 

Henry ducked out of the way. “How about Operation Swanqueen?” 

“That’s ridiculous,” she said, suppressing a laugh and pointing her knife at him. “But I’m serious, don't you dare interfere. You can't even dream of the kind of punishment you would receive.” She ended in a warning tone. 

“Alright, alright,” Henry said, returning to the meat. He seasoned it and warmed the taco shells while Emma gathered the toppings into little bowls. 

Regina entered the kitchen then. Emma hadn’t heard her come in to the house. _Please let her not have heard that conversation._

“It smells good in here,” Regina said, a smile on her face. She looked at Emma hesitantly and then turned her attention to Henry. “How are you, darling? Have you been taking care of my kitchen?” 

“Yes, Mom,” he said. “Emma was going to demolish it but I stopped her. Dinner has been made in an orderly fashion.”

“Good boy,” Regina said, tousling his hair.

“Mom, get off,” he said, batting her away. He returned to the stove and started spooning the taco meat into a large bowl. 

Emma shifted near Regina, her nerves making the energy between them seem even more palpable. Emma took in Regina’s summer dress. Something much flirtier than she would have expected. Emma feltunderdressed in her shorts and tank top. _And apron, can’t forget the apron_ , she thought. She removed the offending apron and placed it on the counter. 

“How are you, Regina?” Emma asked. She managed to control her voice to sound somewhat casual. 

Regina seemed to think something over and then said, “I’m pretty good, actually. I’m pleased to see you.” 

Emma blushed at this, surprised. “Me too.” 

“Moms, come on!” Henry yelled from the dining room. “Bring the rest of the dishes!”

Henry had taken the beef and shells, leaving behind the toppings. She and Regina carried them in. Their three place settings were close together at one end of the table, thought the table sat ten. Henry sat at the head, which didn’t seem to bother Regina. Emma sat across from her.

“This is truly a delight, you two. Thank you so much for treating me,” Regina said. 

Emma noticed an absurd amount of sour cream on Regina’s plate.She tried not to laugh and loaded up a taco. 

“So Mom, did you have a good day?” Henry asked, looking at his food. 

“My day was— ” Regina began 

“Yeah it was alright— ” Emma said.

They both stopped and grinned at each other.

“You first, Regina,” Emma said, nodding her head toward the brunette. 

“Well, today we concluded the plans on the new developments. And I also made some headway on the potion I’ve been working on,” Regina said. “And you, Emma?”

Emma swallowed her food quickly. “Well,” she said, still chewing, “I went for a really good run this morning, and I watched like six episodes of Fixer-Upper. I’m coming up with all these home renovation ideas, and I’m thinking magic might make it doable.” 

“That sounds delightful,” Regina said dryly, crossing her legs under the table; her new positioning left her calf lightly pressed against Emma’s knee. The blonde froze, not sure if Regina had noticed. The brunette gave no sign that she had, but how could she _not_? 

Regina did not move her leg and they stayed that way as Henry started telling them about the video game he had discovered at his friend’s house. 

“It sounds violent,” Regina chided. 

Emma was hardly paying attention, on hyper-alert as she carefully balanced the pressure of her leg against Regina’s. Her body filled with delirious energy, and she wanted to giggle at theknowledge that the brunette was comfortable touching her for this long. Emma wanted to test the boundaries of this new physical contact, so she leaned her leg more firmly against Regina. 

The brunette’s eyes flickered to Emma for a millisecond and then returned to Henry.Another minute passed and then Regina repositioned herself, taking herself out of Emma’s personal space. 

Emma tried not to be disappointed, and dinner passed without anymore physical contact.

When Henry had finished his food, he cleared his throat and smiled at Regina. She eyed him suspiciously. “So I was wondering, I know it’s a Tuesday and all, but could I go to Jamie’s tonight? It’s still early and I could play at least one level before bed. His mom already said it’s ok, please?” Henry said quickly. 

“Ah, there it is,” Emma said, taking another bite. 

“Really, Henry? How am I supposed to believe you won’t stay up all night,” Regina said. Emma could already tell she would say yes. Her eyes were much too soft for a woman about to be stern. 

“I’ll keep a mirror nearby and you can check on me?” Henry suggested. 

“That’s a good idea,” Emma said, looking at Regina. Regina raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Fine,” Regina said. “But I _will_ be checking in the mirror.” 

“Thanks, Mom.

“And now you two can enjoy some much needed alone time,” Henry said, not-so-subtly.

Emma’s eyes bugged out at that. 

Regina tilted her head and studied him. “That’s a peculiar thing for you to say, Henry.”

“Is it? I thought you liked spending time with mom,” he said. 

_Little shit, you promised!_

“Henry, did you tell your mom that you and Violet broke up?” Emma interjected, gloves coming off. 

“No,” he frowned at Emma, trying to covertly shake his head at her.

“Oh no sweetheart, why?” Regina asked, eyes filled with concern. “Are you alright?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Henry said. He stood and began clearing his plate. 

“It has to do with sex,” Emma blurted. 

“Mom!” he yelled at her indignantly. 

“What?!” Regina practically screamed. She looked horrified. “Henry, are you having sex? You’re much too young for such a serious decision.” 

“No, I’m not Mom, I promise,” he glared at Emma, “but I need to run if I’m going to make it to Jamie’s on time. I’m glad you liked dinner.” He kissed Regina on the cheek and threw Emma a dirty look, then darted from the table. 

“What happened with Violet?” Regina asked, turning to Emma. She struggled to ask,“He’s notreally having sex, is he?”

“I don’t think so,” Emma said, laughing and shaking her head. “I just wanted to fuck with him. But he never did tell me why they broke up. He was too embarrassed.” 

“He never told me,” Regina said, looking put out. “He’s always so reserved with me about his personal life.” 

Emma shrugged, not wanting to talk about this anymore. She wanted to relax with Regina and see if anymore deliberate touches occurred.

“Would you like a drink, Emma?” Regina asked, getting up to clear their dishes. “I have a wonderful Sauvignon Blanc. We could enjoy it on the deck. It’s such a beautiful night.”

Emma agreed and they went outside. The sky was dusky, sunset approaching. The deck overlooked the spacious lawn and woods behind the property. Regina lit some candles and placed them on a small table between two deep wicker chairs. She gestured for Emma to join her and sat. 

Regina had poured their glasses inside and Emma promised herself that she would not have more than one glass of wine. No making an idiot of herself tonight. 

“It was really good of you to spend this time with Henry at home today. I can tell how much it meant to him. He seemed so happy,” Regina said. She took her shoes off and tucked her legs under herself.Her dress was draped gracefully over her knees. She looked like a royal lounging on a midsummer night. 

“It’s crazy how you used to be a queen,” Emma said. Regina laughed. “In this world, I would never get to meet Kate and William. Not that you’re England’s golden couple, but you know what I mean.”

Regina nodded. “In the Enchanted Forest royalty is more accessible to the people than in this realm. Quite a lot like the monarchies that this realm had in the past: all-powerful rulers who were judge, jury, and executioner. My people were very familiar with my face. And I often went out into the villages.”

“Looking for my mom?” Emma asked. 

“Yes, looking for Snow,” Regina said.She sighed and turned fully to Emma. 

“Emma, I think there’s no use in us beating around the bush,” she said. Emma raised her eyebrow at this and Regina rolled her eyes impatiently. “Oh please, grow up.” 

“Sorry,” Emma said. “Ok, we don’t have to beat around.”

“I’m glad you agree,” Regina said. 

Emma took a drink from her glass.

“You were going to kiss me,” Regina stated. Emma choked a little on her drink.

“I was,” Emma agreed, already mortified. 

“Were you just very, _very_ drunk?” Regina asked dryly. 

“I saw you,” Emma blurted out. She felt uncomfortable and wanted to shift the direction of the conversation. “At The Pearl.”

Regina had not expected that. Her mouth fell open and she sat up straight. “You what?” 

“I saw you at The Pearl.”

“What were you doing there?” Regina asked in alarm. Her voice was getting higher. 

“Why do you think,” Emma said pointedly. A lightning bug hovered in front of her, teasing with its glow. 

Regina took a moment to process that information and leaned back again. When she spoke again, her voice was at its normal octave. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Emma wasn’t sure if Regina meant she didn’t tell her about the club, or about Emma’s sexuality. She decided to go with the former. Shifting uncomfortably, she said, “You were busy, um, well. You were preoccupied in a hallway with someone.” Emma hated herself for the throb of arousal she felt at her words. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She was telling Regina she’d seen her. _Oh my God, oh my God, what am I doing?_

A flush creeped up Regina’s neck. “Oh,” she said, her voice strained. She looked away.

Emma watched her with bated breath. The brunette’s breathing had become shallow. Night was falling, and her skin glowed with perspiration in the candlelight.

_This conversation is making her nervous,_ Emma realized, which turned her on even more. She wanted Regina so badly. _I should just tell her_.

Finally Regina met her eyes, giving her a curious expression. “So you saw me there, and that led you to almost kiss me on Friday?” Regina asked. 

“Yeah. Well, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,” Emma said. 

Regina blinked. 

“Me with that woman?” she clarified. 

Emma decided to go for it. “Kissing you.” 

Regina’s breath caught and her eyes dropped to Emma’s lips, then back up to Emma’s eyes. 

_Holy shit, Henry was right._

“Would you like another drink?” Regina asked suddenly, though both of their drinks were still full. She stood up and smoothed her dress. 

“No, I’m ok,” Emma said, frowning. 

The moment had passed. Regina went inside.

She should just leave now. Put a stop to things before anyone got hurt. They were playing with fire right now, Emma could feel it. But it wasn’t too late. She could still go home to Killian and they could all come back from this.

But she didn’t want to think anymore, or do the right thing. So she stood and followed Regina to the kitchen. She found the brunette with her hands braced on the counter, head down, breathing deeply. Emma watched her and was in awe at the fact that Regina looked like she was calming herself down.

_Regina needs to calm down from talking with me? Regina’s turned on…I turned her on…_

It was like a switch was flipped in Emma. She acted on autopilot and approached Regina.

She was close enough to feel the heat from Regina’s body when the brunette stiffened and raised her head. She did not turn around, but her forced breathing made clear that she was aware of Emma’s proximity.

Emma’s hands slowly raised and she brought them to rest on Regina’s waist. The brunette did not flinch. Then she dropped her forehead onto Regina’s shoulder, groaning. “I want you so much,” Emma mumbled.

Regina pressed back flush against her and pulled Emma’s arms tighter around her. “Emma,” she moaned.

Emma spun her around and pressed her into the counter, looking deeply into her eyes. Regina’s gaze was scorching, like she could see every bit inside of Emma. Like she wanted to possess her. Emma was sure her eyes reflected the same thing back. 

Their lips were an inch apart. Emma panted for breath as Regina did the same, exchanging air and drawing out the agonizing moment. Time froze and then slowly, finally, Regina leaned in and captured Emma’s lips with hers. 

The moment their lips touched, Emma was overcome by an all-consuming need. She immediately wrapped her arms around Regina and hoisted her up against the counter. Their kiss was hot, deep, not sparing a moment to hesitation. Regina’s arms wound around her neck and her fingers tangled in Emma’s hair, pulling her closer as the blonde plunged her tongue into Regina's mouth. 

They kissed more heatedly as the moments passed. Emma’s hands pulled aimlessly at Regina’s dress, revealing her longing to get the brunette undressed.Emma had never felt anything like this kiss.

_I could do this forever._

And with that thought a bucket of water was dumped on her. Forever was what she had promised Killian. She’d done it, she’d cheated. 

Emma ripped her lips from Regina’s and pulled her body from their embrace. She backed up,panting, and covered her mouth, stumbling against the opposite counter. 

Regina stood looking at her, slightly dazed and certainly confused. Her breathing was heavy, her hair messy and her dress shifted over past decent. She gripped the counter behind her. 

“We have to stop,” said Emma, trying to slow her breathing. 

“Why,” Regina said. Her voice was raspy and she looked ready to jump on Emma and continue where they’d left off. 

Emma shuddered and took a step back. The heat Regina was causing in her was unbearable. 

“This is a mistake, Regina. I’m married. And we are just friends. We can’t do this.”

Regina’s body language slowly changed. The lust faded from her eyes, replaced by a coldness that Emma had not seen in some time. Regina straightened her posture and adjusted her dress. 

“Fine Emma, you can see yourself out.” Regina turned from her and walked to the sink. She ran the water as though she was about to wash dishes. She did not turn back around. “Have a good night.”

Emma hovered for a moment, startled by the rapid change. She was not sure if she should leave. Should she stay and try to talk to Regina? Was that wise? They could end up making out again.

_No, I should leave._

“Ok, goodnight,” Emma said awkwardly. She watched Regina for another moment, her shoulders tense as she washed dishes. Then Emma finally left the kitchen, walking slowly to the front door. She stopped once more and looked over her shoulder, waiting, willing Regina to come after her. When she heard the water continue to run and a dish clank, Emma sighed. She opened the door and slammed it on her way out. 

Emma had gotten halfway to the end of the walkway when the front door opened again. Regina had come after her.

_Déjà vu._

“What the fuck, Emma,” Regina hissed. 

“What?” she asked tiredly, spinning around.

Regina stopped right in front of Emma, leaving a couple feet between them. 

“How can you be so hot and cold? One minute you’re saying that you can’t stop thinking about me, and you’re kissing me like, like—” Regina searched for an adequate word and pushed her hair back, “ _that_ , and the next minute you say it’s a mistake? Do you think you’re treating me with respect?” Regina’s voice cracked as she finished. Emma could see in the vague light coming from the mansion’s windows that she had been crying. 

“I do respect you,” Emma said earnestly. “I don’t want to make you the other woman, Regina. I’m married! I said vows in front of everyone in Storybrooke. That I will be faithful and love Killian for the rest of my life. Don’t you remember? You were there.”

Regina snorted, “Yeah, I was there for that sickening display of heteronormativity. What were you thinking Emma? That dress… Grace Kelly, _really_?” 

Emma ignored the insult, feeling desperate to get Regina to understand. “I was thinking I couldn’t have you,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking at all.”

Regina sucked in a breath at that, standing motionless. The wind whipped her hair across her face as she gazed steadily at Emma. Her eyes were wet again. 

Emma wasn’t sure why she’d said it. Her mind yelled at her to leave, but her heart was making her reckless, too open for comfort.

Regina moved closer to Emma, slowly, making sure Emma would not pull back. The blonde was stuck to the spot, hardly breathing. 

_Oh God…_

Regina’s eyes were dark, two pools of emotion. Emma couldn’t look away. 

“Emma, you can still have me.”

The air was silent. 

“But I promised him,” Emma said weakly. Her head was swimming. Regina was now breaths away from her. The brunette’s hands rested on her chest.

Regina leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “Promises can be broken.” She could feel the brunette’s lips right there.

A chill went down Emma’s spine. She once again remembered who Regina had been in her past. Her excitement mounted.

“This isn’t right, Regina,” Emma said, struggling to get the words out with the woman so close. Their foreheads touched as they breathed each other in. Emma’s hands returned to Regina’s waist. 

“It feels right,” said Regina. 

_Yes, it really does. But…_

Emma took a deep breath, bracing herself. She stepped back, immediately missing the warmth of Regina’s body. 

“Not everything that feels right is what’s best,” Emma said. The words sounded hollow to her own ears. 

Regina frowned and her lip jutted out. Emma could hardly stand the sight of a gorgeous, pouting Regina Mills; she wanted to suck on her bottom lip. Why did this have to be so hard?

“I’m sorry, Regina. I should never have started something that I can’t finish. I feel like an asshole, if it makes you feel better.”

Regina laughed humorlessly. “It doesn’t, surprisingly.”She blinked away tears and crossedher arms. “So what now? You go back to running at the mention of me?” 

“Well no,” Emma said. “I only needed to do that to hide my feelings from you. You know about them, now.” She shrugged.

“Yes, now I know about them.” 

Regina stared at her sadly for several moments. Emma shifted her weight under her gaze. Finally the brunette shook her head and regained her composure. “Well, I do hope that the next time we see each other, tonight’s events will have been forgotten. Have a good night, Emma.” 

And with that, Regina turned briskly and walked back to the house. Emma watched her back as she left, the way her ass swayed and her hair shined in the moonlight. She fought the urge to run after her. 

_I loathe you Emma Swan, with the heat of a thousand fireballs._


	6. Surrender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the massive delay in updating this story. What started as real life needing my focus turned into a serious episode of writer's block, followed by a lot of time just writing the chapter. I hope it was worth the wait. The next chapter will be up in a few days, so do not fret. 
> 
> Thank you for all the wonderful feedback!

Emma had always considered a bath to be a good place for reflecting on one’s emotions. Worries could not take hold when her body was so at ease; it made her clear, objective in her thought. It was for this reason that Emma went straight to the bathroom when she arrived home from Regina’s. She greeted Killian on autopilot as she passed their bedroom, then closed and locked the door behind her. 

Emma turned on the tap and the deep soaking tub began to fill. She poured in oil and epsom salt, then undressed. Her mind was so full that it was almost numb; so much to think about that she couldn’t process. 

The water sloshed around her and burned her skin as she sank into the hot bath. She gave a sigh and settled into a comfortable position, the water soothing her muscles immediately.

Emma replayed the events that had just transpired between her and Regina; the brunette’s eyes when she’d told Emma that she could have her. Remembering it made Emma’s heart clench. There could be no denying that Regina wanted her, and badly. 

Emma was already regretting her choice to leave. She had just been so overwhelmed. Why had she pushed Regina away? Hadn’t it been Emma who had started this whole thing? All she knew was that she wanted to go to Regina; the pull was so strong it vibrated through her chest. 

Was Regina offering her body? Was she offering her heart? These were things that made a big difference when she was trying to figure out what the fuck she should do. Emma desperately needed to know what Regina had meant. 

If it was only sex that Regina wanted from her, she would have to stick to her decision and stay away. Sex would never be worth endangering the life she knows, and no matter how badly she wanted to sleep with Regina, it was not worth the potential damage that would be caused to their relationship. 

Emma did not dwell on the fact that bad sex had been the major force that had led her to stray so far from her marriage. 

What if Regina was offering more? That was an entirely different story. Emma was then being offered another opportunity. What if she explored a relationship with Regina? The thought was exhilarating and Emma’s mind quickly filled with images of the two of them laying in bed together…showering…making breakfast and laughing with their son.

Emma wasn’t sure if she truly did have romantic feelings for Regina that went beyond lust. Henry certainly seemed to think so. From what she could tell, he was ready to start planning his two moms’ wedding. 

And then, of course, there was that dream she’d had, where she’d been kissing Regina’s damp, heated skin, mumbling over and over that she loved her. Emma’s face turned hot. Surely love proclamations uttered in the throws of subconscious fantasy did not count as proof.

What Emma knew consciously was that she felt strongly about Regina, whatever those feelings were. She’d felt attracted to her, yes. She’d suppressed the urge to touch Regina more times than she could count. But there was much more there. There were feeling of loyalty, fondness, understanding, protectiveness, admiration…

She snorted. _It’s totally more than lust._

But Emma was not convinced that she was actually in _love_ with Regina. Emma knew better than most that love only came when you opened yourself to it, and she would not allow herself to open her heart to Regina while being married to Killian. That was an unforgivable line to cross. 

But was what she’d done tonight forgivable? Could she still call herself a good person when she’d almost let herself go and surrendered to her impulses? She licked her lips and recalled the feeling of the brunette’s breath there; her thumb traced over her bottom lip, where Regina’s tongue had traced, seeking entrance to her mouth. 

She still didn’t understand why or even really _how_ she’d stopped herself. It was a miracle she’d gotten the words out at all; they were like acid in her mouth.

_Why does being good have to be so fucking hard some times?_

Emma knew there was a choice to be made here, and it was up to her to get past her weak, selfish ways and make it. Either she had to end whatever this was with Regina and really _mean_ it, or she had to end her relationship with Killian. 

She didn’t feel ready. No matter what choice she made, she would lose in some way. If she divorced Killian, her whole life would change. She’d have to sell the house, divide their things… start over with a plan that didn’t involve him. A wave of sadness washed over Emma. She knew that Killian could not be her friend, and so their relationship would be over; she’d never spend another night watching action movies with him, or walking along the pier and listening to tales of his life at sea… She loved Killian, and her fear of losing him was what made this so hard.

She was also terrified of making a decision out of infatuation and lust, and then one day coming to regret that decision. Pursuing Regina held no guarantees; there was no guarantee that the brunette would reciprocate her feelings, should she develop them, nor that they’d be a good match and even get past the first week of being together, let alone get married. 

But what if they did? What if a life with Regina was everything Emma suspected it could be? That would be worth the trouble of upheaving everything now. 

Emma groaned, massaging her temples. She was getting dehydrated from the bath and developing tension behind her eyes. She stood up and pulled the stopper from the drain, then dried herself off with a towel and stepped from the tub. 

She didn’t _have_ to make a decision right now, did she? She had the right to think things over. It would buy her some time to figure out what she really wanted. No one was going to get hurt from her waiting to make a decision until she knew all the facts. She was sure that both Hook and Regina would agree that this was a problem to be handled slowly and with care. 

And if in the process of waiting, Emma got to test the waters with Regina and see what happens? Then that would be perfectly fine. As long as she didn’t cross any lines that couldn’t be uncrossed. 

When Emma entered the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her, she found Killian taking clothes out of his closet and throwing them on the bed. 

"You going somewhere?" She asked nervously.

Killian looked at her and grinned, and Emma released the breath she was holding.

“You’re not going to believe it, love.Apparently there’s waters on the edges of Storybrooke that haven’t been charted. I don’t know how we missed it, if it’s always been there or what.” Killian’s excitement was palpable.

Emma frowned. “What does that mean?”

He looked at her as thought it were obvious.

“Well, the crew and I are going out on the Jolly Rodger, love. We’ll map it, enjoy the taste of salty air and that comforting sway of the ship.” He grinned. “Bit o’ sea time with me mates seems like just the thing to—” he stopped abruptly, awkwardly. 

“Yes?” Emma asked.

“Not important,” he said, diverting his gaze to the closet and taking a pair of pants out.

Emma didn’t understand the tension she was sensing so she tried to get the conversation back on track. 

“So you're excited about getting on a boat with all those men, huh?” she said teasingly. 

He laughed. “First, it’s ship, not a boat,” he said for the hundredth time. “And second, don’t make it sound all bollocks or something. We’re women-loving men.”

Emma snorted, "If you say so." 

“Ha ha ha," he said. “I’ll show you woman-loving.” Hook gave her asmoldering look and moved closer, reaching his hand under her towel.

Emma stepped back on instinct. 

Killian’s face dropped and then went blank. “Not in the mood?” he asked dryly. 

“Yeah, sorry,” she said, though she was actually unconcerned. 

Killian returned to packing his little bag, only speaking to her to say, “I’m leaving tomorrow, not sure when I’ll be back. Maybe next week.”

Emma got dressed and climbed into bed, watching him pack.

_We’re falling apart_. 

 

****

 

Emma wasn’t getting any work done. She sat at her desk at the station, and having given up on doing paperwork was practicing poofing her stress ball from her palm to the bench in the holding cell, and then back to her palm. It had started as stimulating and now she was back to thinking about Regina, not paying attention to her actions.

She had not heard from the brunette, which she hoped wasn’t a sign that things were disastrous between them. It had only been about a half a day, but Emma had expected something by now. 

She sighed and put her feet up on the desk, glancing at her father. Seeing that he had a dazed look in his eyes as he stared down at the report in front of him, she decided to indulge herself in the conversation she wanted to have with him.

“Dad?” Emma asked. 

“Yep?” he said, snapping out of his stupor and looking at her. She sometimes still couldn’t believe that this young and doe-eyed man was her father. 

“I want to ask you something,” she said. 

“Emma, you can ask me anything,” David said seriously. 

“Well, I was wondering, since, you know, you’re Prince Charming and all… and you never give up hope, and never stopped looking for Snow,” Emma stumbled awkwardly through her through her words. “I guess I’m wondering how you know when never to give up, and when to just cut your losses.”

Emma cleared her throat. “Because, no offense, but I know there have been times where you did give up. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to make that distinction.”

David gazed at her steadily. Emma felt scrutinized and she shifted to put her feet on the ground. 

Finally, he nodded and said, “I see. Well, to be honest I don't have much of a rule to it. Except that I try to follow my heart. My instincts haven’t ever betrayed me.”

“My instincts are kind of unreliable right now,” she said. She hunched and frowned at him. 

“Or they’re exactly on point,” David said with a smile. “Just because they aren’t what you expect doesn’t mean they’re wrong.You have a good heart, Emma. You should trust yourself.”

Emma was embarrassed to realize her eyes were getting wet. 

David asked, “Is there any chance you want to tell me what we're talking about?”

“Not really,” she said, wiping the corner of her eye. “It’s just some relationship stuff.”

“Marriage is not easy,” said David knowingly. “In fact it's a really huge pain sometimes.” 

She laughed. 

“Tell me about it,” Emma said. 

“You know, if this is about that thing that your mother may have mentioned to me about you and Hook? I don't think that’s a matter you should give up on. You have to make a choice that's right for you. I hope that you really will trust your instincts and not do anything because you feel pressured.”

Emma assumed that he meant the disagreement that she and Hook had had over getting pregnant. 

“Thanks Dad, that means a lot. Not exactly what I'm referring to though,”she said. 

“Well I tried,” David said. He shrugged.

“I have one more question,” Emma said.

“You are my daughter, ask me whatever you want,” said David.

“How did you know Mom was your True Love?” 

David was not expecting that. He took a minute to respond, considering his answer carefully. 

“Well, I don't know if I knew exactly that she was my True Love. I just knew that there was something undeniable that I felt about her. We didn't know each other well but from the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew that she was the woman who would love me and challenge me, and make life worth living. I could feel her heart and it matched mine.”

Emma smiled dopily.“Wow,” she said. “That’s really romantic.”

“Well, I _am_ Prince Charming,” David said with a wink.

“And you do not disappoint,” she Emma said.

He returned to his paperwork and Emma decided to text Regina. Her heart told her to, so why not? 

**Hey**

Regina answered a minute later.

_ **Hello** _

**How’s your day going?**

_ **Do you need something?** _

Emma frowned. Regina was pissed. 

**No I just wanted to say hi**

Regina didn’t answer. Emma waited, getting more anxious as the minutes passed. Finally she put her phone to the side so she couldn’t focus on it anymore, but she quickly picked it up again to check how long it had been since she’d sent her text. Thirty minutes. 

_Maybe she’s busy?_

Emma decided to wait on panicking and see if she answered, but by the time Emma had arrived home that night she had still not answered. The house was empty, Hook having left that morning for his expedition. She had nothing to focus on but the obsessive thoughts about Regina’s lack of response. 

This needed to be addressed. Even though the brunette had said she wanted to pretend nothing had happened, Emma knew that things would get too uncomfortable if they didn’t talk about it. 

**Can we meet and talk?**

Regina answered quickly. 

_ **Alright. Friday morning at eight o’clock, Granny’s** _

Emma couldn't help but grin at Regina’s bossiness.

**Yes M’am**

_ **Don’t call me that** _

 

***

 

Emma sat in Granny’s early Friday morning, waiting. She was fifteen minutes early. 

She’d ordered a black coffee for Regina and a light coffee and waffle for herself. Her leg jiggled under the counter as she waited for Regina to arrive.

At eight on the dot, Regina entered Granny’s.She spotted Emma and gave a tight smile, approaching the counter. 

“Hello Emma,” she said formally. She was wearing a form fitting purple dress, knee length, office appropriate if you were editor of Vogue. Her heels were tall, dominatrix-like.

Emma gawked at her without meaning to, raising an eyebrow. Regina blushed in the sexiest way possible and took the seat next to Emma, their orders arriving at that time.

“Thanks for meeting me,” Emma said after taking a drink of her coffee. “I know it’s probably not something you want to be doing.”

“That’s not exactly true,” Regina said. 

“That’s good I guess. Surprising but good.” Emma didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected Regina to be anything less than cold. 

They looked ahead awkwardly, Emma trying to ignore how close their seats were to each other. Maybe Regina should have put one seat between them.

“So Regina, I want to apologize,” Emma said. She side-eyed the brunette.

Regina sighed and looked at her. “That won’t be necessary. I thought we agreed to not talk about this.” She stubbornly looked ahead again. 

“Well I think we need to talk about it,” Emma said.

Regina glared. “Oh, of course. How typical. Because _you_ always know what’s best for everyone. No need to take my needs or feelings into consideration. How very much like your mother you are, Emma.”

This was going off track. She tried to control her anger at Regina, her heart beating fast. She was the one who had fucked up here, she couldn't be a bitch. 

“You’re right,” she said. “I haven’t been taking your feelings into consideration like I should. I’ve been letting myself ignore how I’ve hurt other people. But I don’t want to hurt you Regina. Please believe that is my last intention.” 

She touched Regina’s elbow and the brunette looked at her again. Emma stared into her eyes pleadingly. “I’m so afraid that I’m going to lose you.” 

Regina’s eyes searched hers. She glanced around the diner, making sure no one was looking. Emma didn’t care at all in that moment. All that mattered was Regina. 

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Regina said quietly, looking down. “You and Henry are everything to me.”

Emma let her hand fall to Regina’s leg. She wanted to keep touching her. 

“We can be normal again,” Emma said. 

Regina laughed dryly and Emma could hear the tears in her throat. She shook her head. “We were never normal Emma. Everything we were had _this_ woven throughout it. I don’t even know how to be your friend or feel normal around you, without feeling—” Regina stopped herself. 

Emma wanted her to finish her sentence. _Without feeling what? Desire? Love? Betrayal?_

Her eyes dropped to Emma’s hand and she adjusted her legs, taking a drink of her coffee and effectively moving Emma’s hand off of her. 

“But I do know that friends don’t touch each other’s thighs,” she said pointedly. 

Emma felt the burn of rejection and tried to clamp down on it. 

“So what _are_ we supposed to do as friends?” Regina asked casually.She did not look at Emma. 

“Well,” Emma paused, trying to think of something funny to say to break the tension. She had nothing. “We could… shop? Or something like that. Maybe get manicures?” Emma shrugged. She was not an imaginative person.

“I would love a manicure,” Regina said finally. She relaxed her shoulders and sat back. “I don’t have any morning appointments on Tuesday.”

“Perfect! That’s my day off,” Emma said, grinning and shifting around in her seat. She tied her hair up and started in on her waffle. 

“Yes I know, that’s why I suggested it,” Regina said and blew at her coffee. 

Through a full mouth of waffles Emma said, “I haven’t had a manicure in years. Not even for my wedding.” 

Regina looked like she wanted to say something wicked but pressed her lips together instead and smiled, her eyebrows raised. 

 

***

 

Emma did not end up having to wait until Tuesday to see Regina again. The brunette called her the very next day and invited her to join her and Henry for dinner at Granny's. Regina had referred to it as a family dinner, and she couldn't help the warm flutter she felt in her stomach at Regina calling them a family. 

Emma had been in a good mood since their talk. Hook was still gone on his trip and she was basking in the solitude. She was surprised to realize how tense she’d felt around him recently. Emma supposed it was because of the constant, gnawing guilt.

With Killian gone, she was free to think about Regina as much as she liked. She touched herself several times and had the luxury to actually moan the brunette’s name aloud. 

Emma was also able to spend time texting her, and it was in those text conversations that the energy between them had begun to charge.

At first it was just little wink-y faces, then joking comments, but quickly things escalated to daily conversations that were undeniably flirtatious.

**Are you up?**

_ **I’m starting to think that speaking to me has become part of you nighttime ritual, Emma** _

**I text when I think of you, so I suppose that’s a nightly occurrence**

_ **I’m flattered** _

**Did you have a good day?**

_ **It was long, so many meetings and paperwork. I’m sore from sitting all day** _

**:(You need a massage. Or a bath**

_ **Working on the bath now** _

**You’re in the bath?**

_ **Yes ;)** _

**Sorry. My brain stopped working for a minute thinking about you all wet**

_ **Too far** _

**Sorry,just being honest**

_ **-__-** _

Needless to say, Emma was loving their new dynamic. Getting to have this kind of banter with Regina was exactly what she needed as an outlet for her feelings, while simultaneously giving her the opportunity to keep exploring what was going on between them without having much to feel bad about. 

Emma was still not sure what Regina was feeling for her. The brunette would treat her with such tenderness and consideration, look at her with what Emma thought was longing, but then pull back the moment Emma tried to further the moment. If it was as small as looking into Regina’s eyes or as big as touching her arm or her hand, Regina pulled away and shut down the moment.

Hook returned from his trip the following week. His mood was good and he was very excited to see Emma, lifting her up by the waist when he first came through the door and spinning her around. As he placed her down he groped her with his one hand and ran the hook down her other side. He leaned in to place kisses to the base of her throat but Emma tensed and pulled back. Again. 

"I'm not really in the mood," she said. 

Killian creased his brow and gave a sigh. “Alright. Maybe later? I've been missing you, Swan.” He put his arms around her waist and pulled her back to kiss him. Emma let him, unwilling to push him away a second time. 

“Maybe later,” she said. _No, definitely not later._

 

*****

 

“So what are we shopping for?” asked Emma. She angled her body toward the driver’s side, enjoying the freedom to gaze at the brunette openly while she drove. 

“I need a new dress,” said Regina. 

“For what?” 

“Nothing in particular, just something to go out in,” she said. 

“Go out where?” Emma asked, her brow creasing.

“Why are you interrogating me?” Regina asked, evading the question. She glanced at Emma, frowning, then her eyes returned to the road. Something about Regina’s demeanor told Emma that she was being sneaky.

She looked out the window and took a deep breath. She needed to be subtle. “I’m just curious about what kind of dress we should be looking for,” Emma lied smoothly.

“Just something to flatter me, I suppose. Appropriate for evening wear,” Regina said. 

And then Emma knew; Regina was looking for something to wear to The Pearl. How dare she ask Emma to help her pick outfits for other women to appreciate? Her anger flared quickly and then died down just as quickly. 

_What if_ s _he wants to make me jealous,_ she thought, a grin spreading on her face. 

“So what, am I just tagging along to hold you bag or something?” Emma asked

Regina was unamused. “Do you want me to drop you off?” 

“No,” Emma said quickly. “Sorry. I’d hold your bag any time,” Emma flirted. She side-eyed Regina to gauge her reaction. Flirting in person was new for them… 

Regina liked it, smiling. “You may regret saying that.”

 

*** 

 

“You’re right, I regret it,” Emma said from behind a pile of dresses draped on her arms. It must have weighed at least twenty pounds and Emma’s arm were starting to get sore.

“Don’t complain, Emma, we both know that you want to be here,” Regina said, her tone smug as she ran her ringers along a rack of garments. 

Emma struggled not to drop anything as she craned around the pile to watch Regina. She was in a pencil skirt and heels, and the way her hips and ass moved was mesmerizing Emma. 

She almost crashed into a rack of coats and regained her balance awkwardly, dropping a few dresses in the process and then dropping a couple more trying to pick up the others. When she’d sorted herself out, Regina was across the room, now in a different section.

Emma followed Regina and found the brunette pulling out a very sexy strapless dress, inspecting it. “I think I'll try this one.”

Emma’s mouth watered when she pictured Regina wearing it. But her thoughts quickly changed direction as she thought of other women ogling her too, and that short haired woman Regina had been sucking face with at The Pearl. Emma had not thought of the woman much recently, and now the image of her touching Regina brought a sick feeling to Emma that she tried to push away, with no success. 

“I don't know, seems a little skanky to me,” Emma said. Regina gave her a nasty look and roughly put the dress on top of the pile in Emma's arms, nearly toppling it over. 

They continue to shop around, Emma becoming more agitated as the minutes past. She had no patience for this anymore. An hour had passed and Regina was still collecting clothes to try. 

“Regina, you think that you could at least try some of these on so I don't have to walk around with all this in my arms?”

“Oh Sheriff, use those delicious muscles of yours and stop complaining,” said Regina. She laughed but started toward the dressing room. 

Emma was incredibly flustered by that and it took her a moment to follow Regina. _She thinks my arms are delicious_. 

And so Emma made a show of balancing the pile on one arm and hanging each dress up with the other, one by one. The brunette said nothing but watched Emma with a broad smile on her face. 

Then Emma sat down and waited for her. Unfortunately, Regina did not come out to model the dresses; instead, she took her sweet time, humming to herself and giving Emma plenty of time to revisit her suspicions and jealousy; what was Regina trying to do here? 

Logically she knew that she was married and had absolutely no right to be jealous about anything Regina did. But she couldn't help herself. The thought of anybody being close to Regina, touching her or smelling her hair... Well it made Emma nuts.

She decided to think of something else. Her current train of thought was starting to make her pulse race. But then she was explicitly imagining Regina in that dressing room right, which was no better. She imagined that Regina probably wore lacy little underwear. _She's definitely a matching bra kind of woman._ She wished that Regina would need some help so she could take a glance. 

Emma looked at her phone as she waited, hearing little bursts of irritation and cursing coming from the dressing room. “Shit!” she heard. Emma grinned. 

"You all right in there Regina?" 

"Yes, this damn zipper." 

"Do you need help?" Emma asked, holding her breath.

"No, I've got it," Regina said quickly. She was quiet after that, but Emma could hear her stumbling around inside the dressing room. After what felt like an hour, Regina finally emerged. 

She was dressed in a snug, red dress. It stopped a few inches above her knee and hugged her form so tightly that Emma could not look away from the shape of her waist and hips. The neck was plunging, Regina's breasts spilling from the top. This dress was unbelievable. Emma's mouth dropped open. 

“Wow,” she said, her eyes wide. 

Regina smirked. “You like it?" She looked like she already knew the answer. 

Emma nodded enthusiastically.

"What part do you like?" Regina asked coyly. Except that there was no such thing as being coy when it came to Regina Mills, so it seemed very much like she was baiting Emma. 

And she took bait. "My favorite part is how fucking hot you look in that," Emma said, throwing all caution to the wind. 

Regina smiled broadly, clearly amused. "Oh? Nothing more specific than that?" 

Emma thought for a moment, deciding that blunt honesty had really been working in her favor with Regina recently. 

"I like everything about you," Emma said. "Let's just say I'm fighting to keep my hands to myself." 

That wiped the smirk off of Regina's face. She looked surprised, like she hadn't expected Emma to be so blunt. Emma hadn't really expected it herself, but hey. 

Regina cleared her throat. 

"Okay, I think this is the dress then." 

She looked at herself in the mirror, making a slow rotation. She looked over her shoulder at her butt, and she and Emma both admired her curves in the mirror. 

_God, she's so hot. Oh my God she's so fucking hot. Why are you fighting this, Swan? Just take her, she wants you to. This is your stupid idea, idiot, have you looked at her?_

Emma continued berating herself mentally as Regina disappeared back into the dressing room, and the cursing and shuffling recommenced. Then she heard Regina finally say, "Emma. I can't believe this but I need your help." 

Regina sounded mortified. Emma jumped up and was at the entrance to the dressing room in a second. 

"Should I close my eyes?" Emma asked. She could hear the eye roll in Regina's voice. 

"No Emma, I don't think that's necessary. We are both adults, aren't we?" 

Emma nodded, though Regina couldn't see it, and pulled back the curtain to the dressing room. Regina was there, her arm twisted behind her back and a zipper part way down her shoulder blades. She was attempting to yank the zipper. 

"It was bad enough getting it zipped up," Regina said. "It's stuck now and I can't get it." 

Emma had quick flashes of herself stepping forward, putting her hands on Regina’s waist, kissing the soft skin, tracing her tongue over it. 

She realized she'd been staring for too long when Regina cleared her throat, meeting Emma's gaze in the mirror. They both knew what she'd been thinking, and how dangerous this was. Emma approached her slowly, hands shaking. 

"Okay, hold still," she croaked. 

Emma gripped the material of the dress and firmly guided the zipper down. It took a minute, but she got it. But when she pulled it down to waist level, her hands hovered at the small of Regina's back.

Regina inhaled sharply, not letting the breath out. Emma continued to stare at her skin, at the curve of her lower back. She breathed heavily, fighting to pull herself back. Regina stood completely still, her breaths more erratic.

Their eyes met in the mirror. It was clear that Regina wanted her. Her soulful brown eyes were filled with lust. The tension was palpable, Emma's body just a few inches behind Regina's. It was reminiscent of their kiss in Regina’s kitchen.

“Have you been trying to make me jealous?” Emma asked, nearly at a whisper.

Regina shut her eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know.” 

Emma heard the dismissal in her words, so she stepped back and fought the urge to sigh out loud at how fucking _hard_ this was. 

"Do you need something else," Emma asked, trying not to sound too breathy and aroused.

Regina turned around and faced her, holding the dress up to her chest. "That will be all, thanks. I'll be out in a minute." 

Her voice was shaky and she looked desperate for Emma to leave. 

“Right,” Emma said, backing out of the dressing room. She yanked the curtain behind her and sat back down in the chair again. 

Emma tried to calm her her raging heartbeat. She dropped her face in her hands. They were so close to something

When Regina re-emerged, fully dressed in her normal clothing, she had the dress draped over her arm. She was composed once again, and she led Emma to the registers. She paid for her new outfit and they didn't speak much as they returned to Regina's car.

The tension was thick as they drove. Emma was not entirely sure where they were driving, the route not bringing them closer to either of their houses. But finally they pulled up in front of an Italian restaurant that she’d never been to but knew about. It always felt like a betrayal to Granny to eat lasagna anywhere else. Not that anyone’s recipe touched Regina’s

 

****

 

The sun was almost down when Emma returned to the house. She and Regina had gotten dinner and stayed long after their food was finished, talking and drinking wine and having a great time. Emma grinned. They hadn’t wanted to part from each other, it felt fairly obvious.

Regina had reached over and touched Emma’s hand after a particularly long bout of laughing, and then she’d left it there. Her thumb had slowly started to move as they talked, stroking little circles. Emma’s skin had been on fire after that, the aching pull between her legs mounting with every swipe of Regina’s thumb. Eventually the contact ended when Regina went to the bathroom, but then as they were leaving and walking to Regina’s car, the brunette had ambled closer to her, almost touching their arms and bumping her a few times. 

How could Regina’s simple touch or proximity do so much to her? It was astounding really, especially when looked at in comparison to the routine struggle Emma faced in trying to get aroused with Hook. Emma was so wet from tonight that it was making it uncomfortable to walk. 

It made Emma wonder, how good would it be if they ever did sleep together.

She shook her head to clear those very inappropriate thoughts as she unlocked and opened her front door. When she stepped inside she immediately had a sinking feeling in her stomach. 

The room was lit by candlelight, a romantic dinner set at the table and the candles beginning to burn very low. The sent of recently cooked food hung in the air, not quite aromatic. Hook had planned a surprise for her. She’d completely forgot his request before she’d left, that she return before dinner. 

Emma cast her eyes around the room and found Hook sitting on the couch, staring ahead at the wall and taking a long sip from a tumbler that was likely filled with rum. He looked like he’d had a few before Emma arrived. 

“And she appears,” he said to an imaginary audience. 

Emma slowly approached him, noticing that his hand was shaking as she drew nearer. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

He slowly turned his gaze to her, and she could see that he was definitely not okay.

“You ask me that like you’re concerned, but we both know that’s not the case.”

Emma exhaled deeply. “Killian, I’m sorry, I forgot that you had something planned tonight. I didn’t know you’d be waiting with all this.” She looked back to the kitchen, her heart clenching. “It’s beautiful, I feel like a real jackass.”

“You forgot,” he slurred, his voice becoming louder. “I s'pose that’s easy for you when you’re occupied with her.”

“What’s the supposed to mean?” Emma asked angrily, knowing exactly what it meant. 

Emotions flickered over his face. Emma could see that he was struggling with something, and her heart hammered in her chest as she waited for him to speak. Did he know?

Finally, Killian shook his head. “Nothing, it doesn’t mean anything,” he said tiredly. He downed the rest of his drink and stood up. 

“I’m going to bed,” he said, even though it was only eight-thirty. 

He walked past her as close as possible without bumping her, and she felt the breeze of his body passing. Emma swallowed, tears prickling at her eyes. _If this is even half as bad as it would be if I left him…_ Emma didn’t want to think about it. She wanted to be distracted. 

She went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, wanting to sober some. Standing at the fridge, Emma gulped down two glasses before sighing and placing the glass on the counter. She pulled her phone out, sinking onto a stool at the island. 

Regina was in her most recent texts so she opened to the brunette’s name quickly, drafting a message eagerly. 

**I should have stayed out longer**

Regina answered quickly. 

_**Missing me already?** _

Emma’s stomach leapt. 

**Maybe**

_ **I enjoyed today. It’s very convenient to have a valet while shopping** _

**That’s the only thing you enjoyed about today?**

Regina sent a wink face, and then a second text. 

_ **That, among a few other things** _

**You can tell me, I am your best friend after all**

Emma hated her words as soon as she’d pressed send. Why was she reminding Regina that they’re ‘best friends’? Her phone beeped suddenly and the screen darkened. It was going to die.

Her charger was upstairs in the bedroom, with Killian. _Great_.

Emma climbed the stairs slowly and then gave a small knock on the bedroom door before entering the room. Killian was laying on his side, arm over his eyes. He was still dressed from before, but missing his boots. He didn’t acknowledge her as she entered the room.

Silently Emma walked to her side of the bed and disconnected her charger from the wall. She stared at Killian’s back, hesitating. Should she say something? 

_No, you can stay up here and fight with him or go relax and talk to Regina_

The choice seemed clear, so she grabbed a tank top and shorts to sleep in, deciding to stay downstairs. Then Emma left the room, and just as she entered the hallway she heard Killian say, “So you really aren’t going to say anything?” 

She stopped and reentered the bedroom.    
“What a fool I am, thinking you came up here to sort things out with me.” He sat up and glared at her.

“I came to get my charger,” she said without thinking first. His face darkened and she cringed. Definitely not the right thing to say. 

“I feel like I don’t even know you anymore, Swan. What happened to my wife who loved spending time with me? What happened to the woman who gave all of herself to me.” 

Emma’s anger flickered at that. “I did not give all of myself you, nor will I. I don’t belong to you, Killian.” 

“We’re man and wife, we belong to each other,” said Killian. 

She bit her tongue, wanting to say, “Well maybe not for much longer.”

Instead she said, “That’s not what marriage is about. It’s about respecting that we’re two people that choose each other as partners. There’s no ownership there.”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying,” he said dismissively. “It all sounds like a bunch of bullshit to cover up your lies. You’ve stopped trying with me, Emma. It’s like you don’t care about this marriage at all anymore. Do you even want me at all anymore? It’s like I repulse you.” 

_You’re right_. 

“You’re wrong, Killian.” She shook her head. 

“Your body may be near, Love, but your heart and your mind are realms away from me,” he said, his voice thick. 

She said nothing, but shifted from foot to foot, gripping her charger. This was so hard, he was making it so hard. She didn’t know what to say because everything he was saying was true. She just couldn’t say that to him. She couldn’t open herself now, too much was at stake. 

“I don’t know what you’re—“ 

“Don’t insult my intelligence, woman!” he yelled. 

Emma felt her anger flare fully then, and she said, “Why not, you’re acting like a fucking idiot.”

He looked at her darkly. When he spoke his voice was low. “Get the fuck out of here, eh? I don’t want to look at you.” 

“Happily,” Emma said. 

She left the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She walked briskly to the bathroom, deciding to shower now so that she could stay the hell away from Killian for the rest of the night. 

_What an asshole._

She turned the water on hot, filling the room with steam. She stripped her clothes and inhaled sharply as she entered under the stream, her skin burning. It cleared her mind of any other thought and she quickly set to soaping her body, focusing on the glide of her fingers on skin. On the sensations that kept her in the here and now, and not on her rage at Killian or her consuming desire for Regina. She tried to wash herself clean of the darkness that blackened her heart.

When Emma stepped from the shower her skin was pink, soft and pruning at the fingertips. She felt fresh, if nothing else. She dressed in the tank and shorts, then quietly left the bathroom and went downstairs. 

She plugged the charger into the wall and connected her phone. The screen brightened and Emma saw that Regina had responded to her stupid comment from earlier about being best friends. 

_ **We could be so much more than that.** _

Emma stared at the text, rereading the words over and letting her mind catch up with her eyes. Her heart began to beat rapidly, pumping between her ribs and making her breath come quicker. 

A moment passed where Emma reveled in how surreal it was to have proof in front of her, confirming that Regina had some kind of feelings for her that she wanted to pursue. Her mind was spinning and suddenly she had to speak to Regina, hear her voice and know if it was true. 

She stepped onto the porch, barefoot, and pressed the call button next to Regina’s name. The phone immediately beeped and went dark again. 

It rang twice before Regina picked up. 

“Regina?” Emma said, attempting to mask her nerves.

“Emma,” Regina said hesitantly.

“I didn’t have my phone, I’m sorry I didn’t answer your text,” Emma said. She crossed her arms and shivered in the breeze. Though it was a warm summer’s night, her damp hair and scant sleeping clothes left her chilled. 

“I thought I said something wrong,” Regina said, her voice still reserved.

“No, there was nothing at all wrong with what you said,” Emma said, leaning against the railing. She pushed hair behind her ears and confessed, “I liked what you said.” 

There was a long silence, then finally Regina said, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Emma replied. “Probably more than I should.”

She was teetering on the line, losing her balance. 

“Do you feel the same?” Regina asked quietly. Her voice held a subtle edge of excitement. Emma’s body began humming. 

“I do,” Emma breathed. “I just don’t know what to do about it.” 

Her balance was unsettled and her body was swaying, the moment before the fall. 

Emma could hear Regina breathing heavily. She was sure Regina could hear her as well. She listened and waited, panting into the receiver. Emma’s core was heated, clenched, her body desperate for Regina’s touch, craving her. 

She knew Regina was about to speak when there was suddenly silence. 

“Emma, please…” she breathed. “Come here and fuck me. I can’t take this anymore.” 

And Emma fell, spiraling into the abyss. 

She had to have Regina. 

“Okay,” Emma moaned.

“I’m taking the protections down, appear in my room.”

Emma was ready. She was done playing and denying. 

She pressed end on the call and focused on her magic, trying to recall how she’d poofed around as the Dark One. Closing her eyes, she imagined her body as weightless, able to be transported by smoke. She pictured Regina, pictured arriving at her side, and Emma felt her fingertips tingle before the white smoke billowed around her, flooding her body and sweeping her into nothing.  



	7. Sex

With a large gust of smoke that billowed around Emma’s body, she felt her feet hit the ground.

The room she’d appeared in was dimly lit, the only light coming from a large standing candle near the bed, and the moonlight streaming in through a large bay window. A fan hummed from somewhere behind her, moving a breeze through the room.

She was in Regina’s bedroom, and excitement shot through her at the realization.

Regina was there, sitting on the edge of her bed. She stared at Emma in astonishment. 

“You actually came,” she said, dropping her phone onto the bed. She pulled a leg out from under her and stood. Regina was in a thin sleeping shirt that hung from her body, just long enough to make Emma unsure if she had panties on underneath. The large bed loomed behind her with cream sheets and a soft-looking comforter.

Emma laughed. “How could I not when you say something like that?” Her adrenaline was mounting.“Like, damn Regina.”

The brunette flushed and smirked. “I really wanted you to come.”

“Mission accomplished,” Emma said. The double meaning of Regina’s words were not lost on her.

Regina walked to Emma slowly. The blonde drifted closer as well, the plush carpet tickling under her toes. They stopped when they were a foot apart.

Regina reached her hand out to touch Emma’s face, and the blonde leaned into her touch. 

“Emma, is this really what you want?” Regina asked. 

Emma nodded and looked steadily into Regina’s eyes. “It is.”

Regina swallowed. “I don’t think I’ll be able to survive it, if you change your mind after we…” 

“I won’t,” Emma said. “I’m making a choice and I want to be here. More than you can possibly know.” She nuzzled her nose to Regina’s palm and placed a warm kiss there.

Emma’s eyes mapped Regina’s face, taking in her dark, expressive gaze, her beautiful cheekbones. She lifted her hand and stroked Regina’s cheek with her thumb, then traced it down along her jaw. When she reached her chin she drew Regina’s face closer. 

The brunette’s eyes fluttered closed and she hummed, her voice vibrating to Emma’s core and pulling her lids shut as well. She let her breath guide her those last few inches, and when she felt Regina’s lips a hair away, felt the warm wetness of her breath tickle her skin and Regina’s body hovering close to hers, she knew she was done for. There was nothing in the world she wanted more that this. 

They let the tension build for a moment longer, then Emma closed the gap. She stroked her lips against Regina’s, and the brunette opened her mouth for Emma. Their lips moved against each other’s wetly, pulling and sucking and nibbling, little gasps and groans echoing throughout the room. And when Emma felt Regina’s tongue stroke her’s, she let her hands begin to roam up, lazily running along Regina’s neck and collarbone. The brunette was so exposed, her loose shirt revealing much of her chest and shoulders. 

“Is this really happening?” Emma asked when she pulled her mouth away. Regina didn’t answer but gave a little laugh, wrapping her arms around Emma’s neck and leaning forward to kiss Emma’s throat. 

Emma gasped and for some reason, kept talking as Regina’s lips moved over her skin. “I’ve dreamt of this so many times, I don’t know if I’m just having a very vivid dream.”

Regina murmured against her neck, “This is not a dream, dear.”

Regina’s mouth returned to Emma’s as she pulled the blonde’s hips against her own. Emma gripped Regina’s hair and moaned into her mouth, crushing her lips to Regina’s roughly. She stroked her tongue into Regina’s mouth and felt the brunette give back as good as she got.

Moments later, Regina wrenched her lips away and gasped for breath. 

“Emma, you’re so good at that,” she moaned. 

Emma’s lips were traveling down her skin. She licked and kissed at Regina’s neck, then pulled Regina’s earlobe between her lips; she flicked it with her tongue. 

“Thanks,” she said lowly. Her breath was hot against the brunette’s skin. 

Regina moaned again and Emma felt the vibrations against her lip. 

Regina’s hands were gripping her closer, and Emma was loving the brunette being so desperate for her. It made arousal shoot through her body, made her throb in waves and squeeze her thighs together, wanting more but also wanting to savor every moment. 

She dragged both her hands down to run over Regina’s back and then to squeeze and pull at her ass. The thin night gown Regina wore did nothing to cover her bottom from Emma’s hands, and her soft panties left much of the skin revealed.

They were both breathing heavily. Regina said, “Emma, I want to see all of you. Take your clothes off.”

Emma grinned eagerly and stepped back, pulling her tank over her head and revealing her full, naked breasts. Then she pulled down her pajama shorts to expose her bare lower half, the triangle between her legs trimmed and narrow as she normally kept it. She stood with damp hair and smooth, freshly washed skin, entirely exposed for Regina’s viewing pleasure. 

“Pleased?” Emma asked. She knew her body could be very tempting and no one had ever accused her of being humble.

Regina raised an eyebrow but gave away nothing else. “Aren’t we the cocky one?”

“Admit it Regina. Tell me how much you want me,” Emma said.

She didn’t respond but eyed Emma lazily, tilting her head and taking in every inch. Her gaze lingered between Emma’s legs and she licked her bottom lip.The blonde shivered.

Emma could see Regina’s nipples clearly through her thin shirt, tight and pronounced. Regina walked behind Emma quietly, running a fingertip up her spine. 

“I am certainly going to enjoy you, Emma. I’ve been waiting a very long time to get you like this,” Regina said quietly. 

“How long?” Emma asked.

“Years,” she said. Emma moaned and shut her eyes. 

“I like when you moan,” Regina purred in her ear. She reached a hand around Emma’s front and tweaked her nipple, then continued her slow stroking of Emma’s back. She kissed Emma’s shoulder blade, then swept away long blonde hair to trail her lips over to the other shoulder. She bit down lightly and Emma sucked in a breath. 

Emma’s nipples were straining and her skin was beginning to prick. She was so aware of her aching core and the blushing heat creeping up her neck; Regina was making her body react in ways she couldn’t have imagined. 

And finally, Regina was in front of her. She said, “Emma, you’re more beautiful than I could have imaged, and I’ve imagined you so many times… Your body is exquisite.”

Emma couldn’t help smiling at Regina’s praise.

Regina put her palms on Emma’s stomach and leaned in, closing her eyes. “I want to lick you everywhere,” she breathed, then opened her eyes again and looked deeply into Emma’s.

Emma’s heart pounded in time with the throbbing between her legs. And because she wasn’t wearing a stitch, she could feel herself getting wet against her thighs. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to you doing that,” Emma whispered.

Regina stared at her hungrily, then pulled the loose t-shirt over her head and revealed her naked body in all its glory, but for her black panties.

Emma’s heart hammered in her chest; Regina’s body was unbelievable. Her waist was tight, but her hips and thighs soft and shapely. Her nipples rested on small, pert breasts. Her skin was smooth, and her dark hair fell close to her shoulder in shiny layers. 

Her lips were curved into a wicked smile, eyes mesmerizing. Regina was like a dark angel, made for playing with your heart and leaving you craving her with every breath. 

And then Emma’s eyes locked onto Regina’s panties as the brunette hooked her fingers under them, dragging the cloth down her hips and thighs. 

Emma would be lying if she said she’d never wondered how Regina kept her nether regions, and now she knew: trimmed and neat with bare lips, so Emma could see clearly how much Regina wanted her. 

“Holy shit,” Emma said, heaving a breath. Regina finished pulling the panties from her body and threw them to the side, then started to back away, toward the bed. 

“Come and get me, Emma,” she teased, touching her own breasts. 

Emma snapped and rushed at Regina, grabbing her by the hips and hoisting her up. Regina wrapped her arms and legs around Emma, kissing her hotly and grinding herself against Emma’s abs. 

_Ten years working out well spent._

She curled her arms tightly under Regina’s thighs, helping Regina to move against her.

Emma wanted Regina underneath her, all of her built up tension bursting forth at this moment, so she lowered Regina to the bed and crawled over her. She settled between Regina’s thighs but before she knew what had happened, Regina had flipped them over, her hands on Emma’s back. 

“No, it’s my turn,” Regina practically growled, kissing Emma’s breasts and pulling the blonde closer. She pulled Emma’s stomach to her eager mouth as she trailed her lips downward, kissing and licking at the blonde’s skin. Emma’s muscles tensed and she tried to control her breathing. 

Regina was touching her reverently, and Emma was becoming overwhelmed by her feelings. This felt so right, so very good to be with Regina. Was this how sex should always have been? Because she had been sorely missing out. 

Regina’s hot mouth was moving lower and lower, until she was licking at the juncture of Emma’s thighs, running the flat of her tongue over the skin and moving up again to swirl her tongue up Emma’s lower belly. Emma pushed her hips up, but Regina’s hands on her hips secured her so that she could not move.

Emma settled on gripping the sheets and clenching her eyes shut, holding her breath. She couldn’t think with Regina’s lips on her like that. 

And then finally, Regina kissed lower until she was between Emma’s legs. She pulled Emma’s thighs around her head and leaned forward closer. Emma felt her breath so close and looked down, taking in the unbearable sight of Regina’s dark, lustful eyes twinkling before she gave a long, pleasurable lick up Emma’s sex. 

Emma groaned and dropped her head down again, succumbing quickly to the searing pleasure that was ripping through her body. Regina’s mouth was amazing, unrelenting as it moved up and down Emma’s wetness. Her tongue was firm where she needed it and soft in all the right places. 

“Fuck, have you done this a lot?” Emma gasped and her eyes rolled back in her head. 

Regina only laughed and gave a swirl of her tongue around Emma’s clit, and the blonde felt the vibrations along with it. Her body tightened further and she felt the beginning of a slow fire building deep inside her. 

_Regina’s going to make me come. A woman is eating me out, and that woman is Regina_. 

Those were Emma’s last coherent thoughts as she started to rock rhythmically against Regina’s mouth. The brunette kept one hand securely on Emma’s hip as the other trailed up Emma’s firm abdomen, searching for a nipple and pulling once she’d found it. 

Emma shook, feeling herself about to fall over the brink. Regina’s wet tongue rubbing circles over her was all she could focus on, and a tingling sensation made her thighs tense and her toes curl. And then she was coming on Regina’s mouth.

Emma gripped the hand on her chest and wove their fingers together as she rode out her orgasm. Regina held Emma’s body against her mouth, slowing her licks but not letting up, stretching Emma’s pleasure out to its breaking point. 

When Emma couldn’t take it anymore she gasped and pulled away from Regina, laughing. 

“That was funny, was it?” Regina asked, her voice holding a hint of irritation.

Emma continue to laugh and felt tears collecting in her eyes. “What’s funny is how _gay_ I am. I loved that so much, oh my god,” Emma finished with her hands over her face. “How did I not always know?”

She felt Regina relax beside her, placing a hand on Emma’s stomach. “Well I suppose that’s not offensive to me.” 

“Oh you have nothing to worry about,” Emma said, turning her head to look up at Regina. “That was completely amazing.”

And like that, Emma’s arousal picked up again.

She wanted desperately to touch Regina, to finally know what it felt like to please a woman and feel her everywhere. Emma was amazed that the woman she got to do that to was Regina. Regina who she’d wanted for so long. 

She sat up and moved to kneel in front of Regina, while the brunette leaned back and propped herself up on her elbows. Emma put her hands on Regina’s knees, easing them apart, and the brunette let her; her thighs fell open, opening herself to Emma. Her center was wet and her hips churned under Emma’s gaze. Regina let her head fall back. 

“Fuck,” Emma said, sitting back on her calves and taking Regina in. She let her hand touch the brunette’s ankle, lingering and stroking there for a moment, then trailed her fingertips up her calf. She stopped at the bend of Regina’s knee when the brunette twitched. Emma didn’t want to start a tickling fit. 

The blonde was both exploring and admittedly stalling. The confidence from moments ago was gone, as she sat there faced with Regina’s body. She wanted this to feel really good for Regina and she was afraid that her lack of experience would get in the way. 

But Regina seemed to take pleasure in just having Emma look at her, and that was reassuring. Regina was shifting around on the bed, her breasts heaving as she looked heatedly at Emma. 

“Please don’t tease me,” Regina said quietly. 

Emma nodded and crawled over her, kneeling more now. She wrapped one arm under Regina’s leg and pulled her closer, and she trailed fingers up Regina’s inner thigh with the other. Her knees were wedged under Regina’s ass and her index finger inched closer to her center, and the brunette sucked in a deep breath when Emma finally touched her. 

She rubbed her finger around, luxuriating in the feel of her and the whimper that tore from Regina’s lips. She was slippery, swollen to the touch. 

“Will you give me a little direction if you want me to do something?” Emma asked. She wanted to get this right, and if that meant letting Regina boss her around a bit…

“Ok,” the brunette nodded breathlessly. 

And then Emma slid two fingers inside her. The brunette’s excitement made the movement so easy that Emma moaned. 

Emma felt high with her fingers buried inside Regina. Her knuckles pressed to Regina’s wet core, and the brunette rocked her hips up, encouraging Emma to move. 

She watched her fingers withdraw, glistening, and then push back in slowly. Her knuckles pressed into Regina again and again, as she started to move faster. 

Regina’s eyes were closed and her breasts jiggled with every thrust of Emma’s hand. Tight brown nipples teased Emma, but when she leaned forward to put one in her mouth, her angle changed and Regina tensed. 

“Ow, not so hard with the fist,” Regina murmured. Emma slowed her fingers immediately, finding a new angle into her. 

Regina gripped her forearm as she hit a sweet spot, moaning gutturally and starting to rock her hips. 

“There,” she gasped.

Emma started moving her hand again, fucking her steadily.Regina canted her hips and spread her legs open wider, her thighs almost touching the mattress as she presented her pussy to Emma, allowing the blonde to go even deeper. 

“Curl you fingers,” Regina panted. Emma did as she asked, and around her fingers she felt Regina tighten, then become swollen and soft and impossibly wetter. 

“Yes,” she choked.

Regina dropped back onto the bed. Her brow was knitted deeply, her lips parted alluringly and her cheeks flushed. Her nipples were _so_ hard. 

Emma watched her with rapt attention. Regina was pure sex, tossing her head back and forth and whimpering, her full bottom lip caught between those perfect white teeth. Something about this angle had lifted Regina onto a whole other level. 

Emma had to kiss her, so she leaned over Regina and balanced herself on one arm. She stretched herself out and settled between Regina’s legs, leaving some space between their bodies so there was room to move her hand. She kept fucking Regina as she held herself up and captured Regina’s lips. 

The brunette opened her mouth wide and licked at the roof of Emma’s mouth and then anywhere else she could find. Emma kissed her back hard and Regina let herself be dominated, moaning into Emma’s mouth with every slam of the blonde’s fingers.

Emma pressed their foreheads together and kissed and licked at Regina’s jaw.

_Salty_ , Emma mused. 

The blonde was getting tired of this position and she wanted better access. She was also thinking it was time to start involving Regina’s clit. So she leaned back again and withdrew her fingers. Regina cried out at the loss of contact, and then she actually blushed at her lack of reservation. 

“Why did you stop?” she asked, squirming her hips around, wetness on her inner thighs. 

Emma climbed off the mattress and moved to the end of the bed. She got on her knees there and beckoned Regina toward her.

“Come down here,” Emma said, a mischievous glint in her eye. She took in the excellent view as Regina shimmied herself down the bed, the way her ass moved as she sought the blonde’s touch.

Emma hooked her arms under Regina’s hips when she was close enough, dragging her the remaining distance to the foot of the bed. Regina gasped audibly and her body hummed with excitement at Emma’s show of aggression. 

With no preamble, Emma buried her head between Regina’s legs and tasted her for the first time. She moaned gutturally and her eyes rolled back in her head at the tangy, heady taste of Regina. The brunette’s wetness covered her chin as Regina gripped Emma’s hair and rubbed herself against her mouth. 

Regina breathed deeply, her eyes sliding shut. Emma looked up at her and watched.The brunette said, “I want your fingers again.”

Emma did not hesitate this time and replaced her fingers inside Regina, adding a third. The new stretch was tight, a little less comfortable, but she could tell the difference in Regina’s response at once. Regina’s hips began rocking against her hand with abandon, and the brunette lost all final vestiges of self-control. 

Emma started fucking her hard; Regina groaned and panted and worked herself on Emma’s hand as the the blonde curved and thrusted her finger. She pulled back from licking Regina’s skin to watch her, noticing the sheen of sweat on Regina’s tight abdomen, and the way her chest was rising and falling heavily. Her thighs were shaking.

Regina rocked closer until her ass was hanging off the bed, arms flexed behind her on the mattress as she held herself up, toes curling in the carpet. She was on total display to Emma, grinding herself down wantonly and moaning, practically falling off the bed. Emma fell back and continued thrusting up into Regina, feeling wetness drip down her hand. She gazed up at Regina in awe, her mouth hanging open and her eyes clouded over with lust. She kept leaning forward and sucking Regina’s swollen clit, then sitting back and watching the unbelievable sight in front of her. 

Regina’s feet slid further and further down until she was finally off the bed completely. Her legs wrapped around Emma as she settled down onto the blonde’s lap. She grabbed Emma’s hair roughly and kissed her, plundering Emma’s mouth and leaving the blonde breathless. Emma was throbbing between her legs, desperate to come again. 

Regina sensed her need and slipped her fingers into Emma’s folds. She was so very wet, covering the brunette’s hand immediately. Regina wasted no time in focusing in on Emma’s swollen clit, rubbing her fast and roughly. 

“Oh God,” Emma gasped into Regina’s mouth, kissing her harder and starting to feel a second climax already curling up low in her belly. She gripped Regina’s ass harder, the flesh molding to her hand perfectly, as she worked her fingers faster and felt Regina squeeze her even tighter. 

Regina groaned. “Emma I need more, I need you to rub.” 

Emma used the thumb on her other hand to rub tight circles on Regina’s sex. The brunette slowed her hand between Emma’s legs as she became lost in the sensations. She looked very close to coming. 

“Fuck, Regina don’t stop,” Emma whined, thrusting her hips and trying to get Regina moving on her again. She was close also. The brunette shook her head. 

“No, you’re coming when I do,” she gasped, “Don’t stop.”

She moaned continuously and lightly strummed her fingers over Emma’s clit. Emma felt the changes in Regina and then another surge of wetness. 

“Yes, yes, oh, don’t stop, Emma, please—” Regina sobbed and started moving her fingers rapidly over Emma again. The blonde was drawn in with her immediately and Emma felt her own orgasm mounting and mounting…

Her back arched and she felt the exquisite tension peak, then fell into spasming pleasure. She kept her eyes open to watch Regina as she the brunette yelled and went ramrod straight, slamming down onto Emma’s fingers a final time and then freezing completely. Emma kept tight circles on her clit and Regina gave a long, drawn out moan. Her face melted in pleasure and she whimpered over and over as she tightened and relaxed rhythmically around Emma’s fingers, which were sliding in and out. 

Regina was the most gorgeous sight Emma had ever seen, and this moment was the most glorious of her life. She felt totally free, elated. This was worth everything. 

Emma pulled Regina closer to her and kissed her breasts, then she held her as their breathing slowed and came in tandem. They kissed intimately, Emma’s hands on Regina’s face and the brunette’s arms wrapped tightly around her. When Emma leaned back, Regina followed her lips for more, her mouth slightly open and her eyes drooped shut. 

“You look thoroughly fucked,” Emma laughed. She nuzzled Regina’s lips with her own. 

“Oh?” Regina sighed, her throat raspy. “Well I feel thoroughly fucked, so that does makes sense.” 

Emma ran her lips over Regina’s neck and breathed in her smell. It was so good.

“You’re staying?” Regina asked. 

“Of course,” Emma said, sighing. “Can we move to the bed?” 

Regina extricated herself from Emma and pulled herself up, then reach a hand out to help the blonde up. She stood and they locked eyes.

Emma smiled shyly and went to the head of the bed. Climbing in, she slid against the high thread-count sheets and giggled with delirium. 

_I’m in Regina’s bed!_

She waited for the brunette to blow out the candle and then Regina slid in close to Emma, not hesitating to rest her head on Emma’s chest and wrap an arm around her. 

Emma put an arm around Regina’s shoulder and relaxed into their embrace. This was perfection. She wanted to do this every night for the rest of her life. 

“Can we save talking for tomorrow?” Emma asked. She didn’t want to let go of the feeling yet. 

“Mhmm,” Regina mumbled into Emma’s skin, squeezing Emma a little bit tighter. 

They fell asleep that way, the fan lightly humming somewhere in the background.

 

***

 

Emma’s eyes opened with a start. She was blinded by bright, early morning sunlight. Regina was laying on her and she groggily lifted her head. What had woken them?

Then Emma heard a loud banging. 

“REGINA!” she heard. Then more banging. 

Regina leapt from the bed and grabbed a robe from her chaise lounge. She quickly wrapped it around herself, shielding her body from Emma’s gaze. The blonde pouted. 

Regina went to the window and pulled the sheer curtain back, peering to see who was standing on her doorstep. She gave an exasperated sigh.

“It’s your parents,” she said darkly. More banging.

“REGINA, WAKE UP! EMMA IS MISSING!” 

_Oh No._


	8. Sneak

This was not how Emma was hoping the morning would go. Ideally, she and Regina would have woken up in each other’s arms, cuddled, maybe had sex again before she had to leave for the station.

Instead she was alone in Regina’s bed, naked, listening to the argument downstairs. Their voices traveled up from the foyer, which was directly below Regina’s room. 

“What makes you think it’s appropriate to show up here unannounced on a Sunday morning?” she heard Regina say. 

“Did you not hear what I said, Regina? SHE’S MISSING!” Snow yelled. 

“Shhh!” Regina hissed. “You’re going to wake Henry.”

“WHY are you so calm?” Snow asked. 

Emma rolled her eyes. They were completely overreacting. 

She wondered how long she’d even been gone and left the bed to look for her phone. She found it under the bed and when she tried to turn it on nothing happened. It had died, and Emma remembered that the reason she’d even gone back upstairs and had that fight with Killian was to get her phone charger. 

“Great,” she sighed and got up, looking for the time. No glowing numbers jumped out at her, but then she realized that Regina had an actual clock, with actual hands, hanging from the wall. Her eyes widened when she read the time; it was already past nine and she needed to be at the station in less than an hour. 

Then she wondered who the hell she was supposed to be relieving at the station if David was downstairs. 

Emma stilled and listened for more voices downstairs, but she heard nothing. Then the front door slammed and she was filled with a ridiculous surge of excitement at the prospect of seeing Regina again in a few moments. She ran to the bed and leapt onto it, waiting.

_God I'm already whipped._

“Idiots,” Regina grumbled as she entered the room. Her cheeks were flushed and reflected her irritation. 

“What happened?” 

Regina shut the door quietly and turned to Emma.

“They’re gone,” she said.

“I gathered that. What did they say?” 

“Apparently your _husband_ ,” Regina said the word like it was dirty, “called them because you didn’t come home last night and your phone is off.”

Emma groaned. 

“I told them I haven’t seen you and to calm down, you’re a big girl and you have magic. They’re so irrational sometimes.” 

Regina removed her robe to reveal nothing underneath. She let it drop to the ground as she approached the bed.

“But I must say, I’m surprised that you would come here with a dead phone. That was bound to raise suspicion.” 

Emma couldn’t believe it was possible, but Regina naked in daylight was even better than Regina naked by candlelight. 

“Accident,” Emma said distractedly.

The brunette crawled onto the bed and settled next to Emma, draping a leg over her. Emma placed a hand on her thigh.

“Why are you so annoyed?” Emma asked, noticing that Regina was tense. 

Regina looked down, hesitating before she answered. “Your mother acted in typical fashion, barging into my life and shattering my happy moment. I’ve forgiven her for her past misdeeds but sometimes…” she chuckled darkly and looked at Emma. “Sometimes I remember the allure of hunting her down.”

“Okaaay,” Emma said, laughing uncomfortably. “How about we don’t talk about you killing my mom?” She lifted Regina’s hand to her lips and kissed it. “Make love, not war, that’s what I always say.”

Regina rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself.“Did you sleep well?” she asked.

“Like a baby. You?”

“I’m well rested.” 

Regina leaned forward to kiss Emma’s jaw and Emma couldn’t contain the massive grin that spread over her face.

Regina took in her expression. “What?” she asked, eyes dark and sparkling.

“You’re just…” Emma sighed and ran her fingers through Regina’s hair. “I imagined you’d be amazing, but the reality is just so much better.”

Regina’s eyes fluttered shut at her words. 

Emma stroked a thumb along her cheek as she ghosted her lips over Regina’s. Their breath was mingled, warm and wet. And then they were kissing, slow and with a simmering passion that felt particular to their brand of magic.

Regina opened her mouth and let Emma’s tongue stroke her own, moaning into her mouth. She moved closer into Emma’s lap, and Emma ran her hand further up Regina’s thigh.

_So soft_.

They stayed that way, tasting and exploring each other, hands starting to move all over. Emma had Regina’s nipple between her thumb and index finger and was rolling it, making the brunette groan and whimper, when without warning, Regina pulled her lips from Emma’s. Then she removed Emma’s hand from her breast. 

“Henry is going to be up soon.”

Emma sighed in disappointment. “Ok, I think I’m going to leave now and avoid running the risk of being caught and scarring him for life. I have to be at the station soon anyway, so I should probably just go straight there.”

Regina nodded and looked at her seriously. “What about Hook?”

Emma dropped her gaze. “Can we leave that until there’s more time to talk?” 

“Alright,” Regina said, her tone sounding like she wanted to argue. But she apparently decided to let it go and instead gave Emma a quick kiss before rising from the bed. She went to her dresser and took out a pair of sheer black panties, stepping into them gracefully.

“I have nothing to wear,” Emma whined, remembering that she’d shown up in sleep clothes.

“Well you have magic, dress yourself.”

“I’ve never done that.”

“Not even as the Dark One?”

“No, I just got dressed everyday.”

Regina smirked, putting her matching bra on. “It’s funny to imagine that the Dark One picked out socks and applied deodorant.” She raised an eyebrow. “Wait, did you have your period?”

Emma snorted. “I’m not answering that. Now how do I magically dress myself?” 

She stood from the bed and approached, still very nude.

Regina looked her up and down heatedly before a smile slipped onto her face and she went into mentor mode. Emma felt a thrill of excitement; it’d been some time since Regina had taught her magic and their lessons had always left her with a particular buzz and longing.

“Get a clear picture in your head of how you’d like to dress. Now focus your magic and will that outfit to appear on your body.”

Emma attempted it, with no success. 

“Let’s try again,” Regina said. This time she came up behind Emma and put her hands on her waist. 

“I’m going to help you, and… _penetrate_ your magic with mine,” she purred in Emma’s ear.Her voice flowed through Emma like the pleasant burn after a drink of fine whiskey. “I want you to picture those tight jeans you wear. You know, the ones that flaunt your toned thighs and luscious ass.” She ran her hands over Emma’s hips.

Emma did as she asked and nodded her head silently, her body shivering with anticipation. Hearing Regina talk even a little bit dirty was making her _so_ wet. 

“Now I want you to picture a tank top, tight, low cut, that shows off how _enticing_ your arms are,” Regina said in a lower tone, moving her hands over Emma’s shoulders, then down her biceps, leaving goose bumps in her wake. 

Then her hands strayed lower.

“Picture your panties,” she whispered, gliding her hands down, dragging her nails to tease at the neat triangle of hair between Emma’s legs. 

Then she ran her fingers up to trace around Emma’s nipples, which immediately became tight. “— and your bra.”

Emma moaned. Her eyes were closed now. She was trying to picture the outfit, but it was difficult to stay focused with Regina’s hands on her. She felt blushing heat creeping up her neck. 

“Mmm, now finish it off with one of your leather jackets,” Regina said teasingly. 

“It’s summer,” Emma breathed.

“Alright fine, no jacket,” she said. “Now, make it happen Emma. Use my magic to help you. Give a flourish of your hand, it will help you to focus your intent.”

Emma felt the tingle of Regina’s magic on her skin, at her hips where Regina touched her. She focused all of her energy, then she tried with all her might to make the clothes appear on her body.

And with a puff of white smoke, Emma was dressed. 

“You did it!” Regina said proudly. She turned Emma to face her. “Excellent.”

“Well I have an excellent teacher,” Emma batted her eyes.

“That’s not what you said when I snapped that bridge to teach you a lesson.”

Emma laughed. “Yeah, well, your methods have chilled out a bit.”

Regina laughed as well and waved a hand, purple smoke engulfing her and leaving her fully dressed; Emma grieved the loss of Regina in lingerie.

 

***

 

Emma poofed straight into the station from Regina’s room. And luckily, she had a long upcoming shift and no phone, which let her avoid the fallout of her overnight disappearance for just a little bit longer.

And boy, was the fallout a drama. Her parents were the easy ones, and she still had to convince them that everything was fine, and that yes, she sometimes slept at the station and didn’t tell anyone. Fortunately, David hadn’t been at the station that morning and therefore couldn't call her bluff. So they accepted her story, with a warning to be more careful and not scare them like that, and Emma left feeling sick at how easily the lies had spilled forth from her lips. 

And Killian? Well he was furious, and drunk. 

When she came into their living room, Hook looked up at her, face dark. “Where have you been?” It sounded more like a statement than a question. 

“At the station,” she said, shifting her weight from foot to foot. 

“And before that?” he asked. 

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night,” Emma said, jumping to the chase. “I was really pissed off so I needed to get out of the house, and I ended up just sleeping in the back room at the station. I'm sorry I didn't call you, my phone died.”

He stared at her for several moment.

"Right," he finally said, his voice painfully devoid of emotion. 

Emma hovered by the wall, waiting for him to say something else. Killian took a long drink from his flask and then stood up, facing her fully. His face held barely contained despair and she prepared herself for the verbal attack.

“Just tell me what I've done to lose your affection the way I have. It’s like you don’t even care at all,” he spat.

“I do care, Killian. Things have just been… hard recently. ”

“Yeah, why is that exactly? Because not too long ago I was feeling like things were perfect between us. That I couldn’t believe—” he broke off and laughed, “I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I started to think that maybe we could have a family... That’s how fucking happy I thought we were.”

Emma rolled her eyes, “This again, why don’t you care that I said I don’t want to have children. I told you Killian! I _told_ you that was part of the deal with me, and you said, ‘No problem love, all I want is you’,” she said in a cruel imitation of him. 

Hook glared at her. “See? This is the way you act toward me. With disdain. What happened Swan?”

His voice cracked and he dropped his head. His fists clenched and unclenched and Emma said nothing, watching him.

Finally, when he spoke, his voice was thick. “Please, tell me what I’ve done so I can fix it.”

With those words all the air left her and she ached, her heart clenched, and she didn’t know how she could tell him that there was no way to fix this.

And the next morning, they pretended like it hadn’t happened. 

 

*** 

 

It was Tuesday morning, and Emma was waiting for Regina to arrive at her house. They’d made plans for Regina to come over on Emma’s day off, but they hadn’t specified what time she’d be there. So Emma was waiting anxiously in the kitchen, drinking a cup of cocoa and trying not to lose her mind. 

When there was finally a knock at the door, Emma nearly tripped over her own feet trying to get to answer it. She unceremoniously swung the door open and then let out the breath she hadn’t known she was holding. 

She was rendered speechless by the sight of Regina dressed in snug cotton dress, which looked more like a particularly long black tank top. 

“Hi,” Emma breathed, her stomach doing somersaults. She couldn’t say much else, but her mind began flooding with memories of their night together.. Regina’s skin, the smell of her sex, the way her legs squeezed around Emma…

“Hello,” Regina said. Her lip quirked. “May I come in.”

“Oh, sorry, of course,” Emma said hastily. She stepped back to let Regina pass and tried to be subtle as she not-so-subtley inhaled the brunette’s scent. 

Regina walked around the kitchen island and ran her fingers along the countertop. “Hook isn’t here?” she asked casually, looking at Emma through dark lashes.

“No, we’re alone,” she said, approaching. 

Regina stilled opposite of Emma and leaned forward, resting on her forearms.

“It’s been excruciating, waiting to see you.”

Emma let out a deep breath and rested her elbows on the counter. “I know,” she said.

They looked at each other, smiling and blushing and both clearly thinking about some of the things they’d done to each other the last time they were together.

“We should talk,” Regina said. 

“I agree.” 

They continued to look at each other from across the countertop, the tension between them thick. Emma swallowed; she could see down the front of Regina’s dress. 

“Emma, my feelings for you run very deep, and the other night was…” Regina licked her lips. “Well, I don’t need to tell you how good that was.”

“No you don’t,” Emma said. That night had changed her life. 

Regina’s eyes dropped to Emma’s mouth. 

She took Regina’s hand in hers and began rubbing slow circles against her wrist. Regina moaned at the sensation, and suddenly Emma had had enough.

Emma walked around the island and approached Regina, her cheeks burning with heat, eyes roaming over the brunette’s body. Regina licked her lips in anticipation, and every muscle in Emma’s body tensed. Then she surged forward, pushing Regina against the counter. 

She pressed her lips to Regina’s, forcing the brunette’s mouth open with a gasp. Emma’s tongue found Regina’s, stroking and winding them together as their bodies melded into one. Regina pulled back and Emma pushed forward, playing a game.

Regina broke the kiss and gasped but Emma was on her again, persistent, not content to spend a moment separated from Regina’s mouth. She buried both hands in dark shiny hair, fisting it, not giving Regina even an inch to move away. And the brunette didn’t try, she only groaned deep in her throat and pulled Emma’s body even tighter against her. 

It was hot, the kind of kiss that made Emma’s toes curl. She pushed Regina harder against the counter, pulling at the straps of Regina’s dress and revealing her tits to Emma’s viewing pleasure.

“God, you’re so unbelievably fucking hot,” Emma said, then reattached her mouth to Regina’s. Regina gladly accepted Emma’s kiss and wound her arms around the blonde, holding her neck and stroking her fingers through long hair.

Both of Emma’s hands went to Regina’s breasts. She rubbed and twirled and tweaked both nipples until Regina was mewling, pressing her chest into Emma’s hands and rolling her hips forward. 

Emma growled, something predatory blossoming in her chest. She wanted to fuck Regina until she was crying and begging. 

Her hands slid down Regina’s body to the bottom of her dress, then she dragged it up until it bunched around her waist. 

Regina looked heatedly at Emma, waiting to see what she would do. There was a challenging glint in her eye, and it made Emma want her begging even more. 

Her hands came to rest at Regina’s hips, splayed wide. She squeezed and dug at the soft flesh there, and then with a growl she lifted the brunette onto the kitchen island. Regina landed with an oomph.

Emma pulled away to watch her hand trace over Regina’s thigh, the muscles quivering under her fingers, and then she moved the thong Regina was wearing to the side, exposing her slick center.

“You’re so wet,” Emma moaned, dropping her face into the nape of Regina’s neck.

Regina moaned and rocked her hips, trying to get Emma to touch her where she needed it. 

“Will you stop stating the obvious and fuck me,” she begged. 

Emma didn’t respond and instead pushed her fingers into Regina, sliding in with ease and feeling slick heat surround her. 

“Jesus,” Emma said. She pulled them back and felt Regina squeeze around her. 

Regina breathed into Emma’s mouth and stroked their lips lightly as she moved her hips, helping Emma’s fingers to slide in and out. And Emma picked up the force and speed and soon, she was fucking Regina hard on the counter and Regina was crying out and shaking.

“Oh, mmm, yes,” she moaned, her breaths harsh and fast. Her face was tense, lips parted. 

And Emma fucked her faster still, determined to make her come apart, desperate to feel Regina’s release and experience the high of watching this gorgeous woman’s face when that happened.

_How did I live without this?_

Emma’s arms ached and her hand cramped as she kept going, and Regina fucked her hand harder and harder until finally she froze and shook and tensed and then—

“GOD, fuck, Emma!” Regina yelled, then a harsh moan ripped from her throat and she slumped over, nearly falling. 

Emma caught Regina’s weight and laughed, euphoria rolling through her body. She held Regina as her breathing slowed.

“That was exceptional,” Regina finally said with a smile, then gracefully came down from the countertop. She smoothed her dress and straightened her back. Her face was relaxed, and Emma searched to remember a time when Regina’s smile was more beautiful. She had nothing. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” she said, pulling Regina’s hand and leading her to the stairs. 

“I’m not having sex in your marital bed,” Regina said with disgust.

Emma rolled her eyes. “We’re going to the guest room, relax.”

 

***

 

Regina laid naked, running her finger’s through an equally naked Emma’s hair; the blonde’s head rested on her chest, her long hair fanned out on the bed. They had been having sex for the last two hours, and Emma’s stamina could only reach so far. Regina’s, on the other hand, was exponential, but luckily she seemed to be satiated for the time being.

She was facing Regina, feeling every beat of the woman’s heart against her cheek. She felt compelled to tell Regina that she was the best she’d ever had; that the times she’d spent with Regina were the best of her life.

She settled for, “I feel so calm.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever done this before,” Regina mused, looking at Emma with wonder in her eyes. “Daniel and I were never together intimately, so I never had the chance to lay like this with him. And there’s been no one else that I’ve ever wanted this with.”

Emma knew that Regina’s words were heavy with meaning, and she couldn’t explain it, but suddenly she wanted to take a risk.

She sat up, positioning herself to lay along Regina’s side and propping herself on an elbow. She hovered over her, a blonde curtain falling to shield them from the world. 

“Do you think you’re falling in love with me?” Emma asked calmly. She looked steadily into Regina’s eyes. 

The brunette did not blink, but squinted slightly as if she was trying to figure out how much to reveal. 

“Possibly,” she said.

Emma’s heart thumped hard in her chest.

“I think I’m already there,” she confessed. And when the words left her mouth, she knew how true they were. There was no more pretending.

Regina shut her eyes and was still, then drew Emma down to her. She thought Regina might kiss her, but instead she pulled Emma’s neck to her face and coaxed her into a hug. She inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly with a sigh. 

“Me too,” she murmured into Emma’s skin. 

They were in a bubble, where’d they just told each other they were in love and they’d spent the entire morning exploring each other’s bodies. Emma felt safe there, and it made her want to tell Regina everything there was to know.

She raised herself to look into Regina’s eyes. “I want this to work, so badly,” Emma, said. “I don’t know how to make sure it does. I’m so afraid I’ll be left alone.” 

Regina squeezed her arms tighter around Emma and looked at her seriously. “You don’t need to worry. I don’t take this sort of thing lightly… opening my heart to someone. You know that when I’m heartbroken I can become a bit…”

“Maniacal?” Emma supplied. 

Regina glared. “I was going to say unreasonable.”

Emma snorted.

“Anyway,” Regina said, narrowing her eyes, “what I’m trying to say is that once I love you, there is no getting rid of me.” Regina gave her a devious Evil Queen smirk then and lowered her voice. “No one can escape once they’re mine.”

Emma was overcome with the need to fuck Regina that very instant and show her who belonged to whom.

“You think you own me, huh?” Emma asked trailing her hand under Regina’s thigh.

“I know I do,” Regina said challengingly. She looked delicious.

She pulled Regina’s leg around her waist, spreading her legs wide, and then settled herself down on Regina’s sensitive sex. The brunette had had so many orgasms that Emma had lost count.

Regina gasped at the contact and rolled her hips up, encouraging Emma to move. She ground her hips into Regina’s, slow and with control.

The brunette gazed down between them and bit her lip, moaning. 

_You’re so mine_ , Emma thought with a chuckle. 

And then Regina opened her legs wider, sliding her wet folds against Emma’s skin, and she wasn’t laughing anymore.

 

***

 

They’d fallen asleep. Sex with Regina, as it turned out, was totally exhausting. It never had been for Emma before then, but any sex she’d had before didn’t even count anymore. Sex with Regina was a category all to its own. 

Emma woke from her nap to find Regina still sleeping, her face inches away from Emma’s. She was on her stomach, which struck Emma as funny. She’d always assumed that Regina would lay on her back with her hands folded on her chest, like any proper villain would. 

She chided herself for even thinking it. Emma knew that Regina was not a villain, even when she _was_ the villain. She was simply the most complex, sensitive, and willful woman Emma had ever met. 

And when she slept on her stomach with her mouth open a bit and a light snore escaping her, she was even more appealing to Emma than ever before.

_God, I want this forever._

She continued to watch Regina sleep, enjoying this view of the normally guarded woman, but after some time she became impatient. 

“Regina,” she whispered, leaning forward to brush their lips. She hummed. “Regina, my queen, come back to me.”

Regina grinned sleepily but she didn’t open her eyes, stretching like a cat. 

Finally, she opened her eyes and found Emma inches away. “Were you watching me sleep?” she asked, her voice rough. Emma swooned.

“Maybe,” she said. “I can’t help it, you’re gorgeous.”

Regina sighed and rolled on her side to face her. She draped an arm over Emma’s waist and pulled their bodies closer. 

Then she looked at Emma seriously. “What about Henry?”

“Um, what?” Emma asked. 

“What is Henry’s reaction going to be to this?” Regina frowned.

Emma laughed, but stopped when Regina’s frown deepened. “He confronted me already about how I need to make a move on you because we’re clearly in love. So I’m going to say he’ll be supportive.”

Regina’s eyes widened. “He said that?” she asked.

“Yeah, he’s a ballsy little fucker, isn’t he?” 

“Emma, don’t speak about our son like that,” Regina snapped, a dangerous glint in her eyes. 

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Emma said, immediately rolling to Regina and kissing her chest. “Don’t be mad, I love Henry very much. Even when he’s inappropriate.”

But Regina shouted and writhed away when Emma’s lips touched her skin, and Emma darted back. 

“Are you okay? What did I do?” she asked in panic, surveying Regina’s body for injury. 

But the brunette was fine, a ghost of a laugh on her face and her body on high alert, squirming. She was breathing quickly. 

_No way…_

“Are you ticklish?” Emma asked, a sly grin pulling at her lips. She leaned in again. 

“No!” Regina shouted. 

She couldn’t resist, it was too easy and appealing. So Emma kissed and bit and wrestled Regina, relentless in her efforts. And the Evil Queen begged for mercy, cries of laughter ripping from her throat. The magic between them sparked and the lights flickered throughout the house. Not that either of them noticed. 

 

***

 

They were both starving, so Emma lead them downstairs to peruse the refrigerator. There was leftover Chinese and even though Regina made a snotty comment about Emma not cooking, she seemed to be enjoying her cold lo mein quite a lot. They stood at the kitchen island as they ate in companionable silence. Emma was having chicken and broccoli but unfortunately, the broccoli was _so_ soggy. 

Regina wiped her mouth and tried to look dignified eating from a takeout container, as if that was possible. She cleared her throat and looked into her noodles. 

“I think we need to discuss what this means now, Emma. What are you going to do?” She raised her eyes to meet Emma’s. 

_Blunt as ever._

“You mean about us? And Killian?” 

Regina rolled her eyes. “No, what are you going to do about the smell of old pickle in your refrigerator. Of course I mean the love triangle that we currently find ourselves in.” 

_Ugh, why?_

“Love triangle, huh? That sounds pretty sordid. I hope we’re not making a crossover from fairytales to murder mysteries,” Emma joked lamely.

She was evading the question and Regina knew it. 

“Answer me,” Regina said. 

Emma sighed, knowing she couldn’t avoid this topic forever. Regina was nothing if not persistent. 

“Regina, this is complicated. I’m going to end it with Killian, you know that, but I have to figure out how.”

Regina frowned and slammed her takeout box down, noodle flying as her fork clanked onto the counter. “What do you mean ‘figure out how’? What is there to figure out? You end it. Tonight when he comes home say, ‘Sorry Guyliner, it was sort of fun but it’s time for me to kick your scalawag ass to the curb.’” Regina gave a shrug of her shoulders and a shake of her head as if to say, “Duh, who gives a shit?”

Emma was frustrated. “It’s not that easy Regina. He may be a pirate but he’s also a person with feelings. A person who loves me. I haven’t had a lot of those in my life. And I’m about to break his heart.” Emma brought a hand to her chest. “I’m about to betray my word, and not only leave him, but leave him for someone that he has an ugly past with.”

Regina glowered at that but Emma reached forward and took Regina’s hands, pulling them to her on the counter.

“I’ve already messed up so much and now I want to do what’s right. So please, give me time to figure out how I’m going to tell him.”

Regina looked at Emma like she was truly torn and Emma stared back, imploring Regina to trust her. 

Several moments passed and still Regina said nothing. Emma was getting nervous, wondering if she’d already fucked this up. Then finally, Regina gave a sigh and her face relaxed. She nodded. 

“If you must. How much time? This needs to be handled.” 

“Just give me a day or two,” Emma said, relieved. That was all she needed. Just some time to think over what to say and then find the right moment.

 

***

 

Regina had left after a few more hours of sex and lot of kissing at the front door as they said their goodbyes. But the euphoria she’d felt around Regina went with her, leaving a cold absence that made Emma question her actions and motivations. 

She stood waiting at the kitchen island. She couldn’t take her eyes off of the door. Any minute Killian would be there and she wasn’t sure how it was going to feel, keeping this massive secret from him. In retrospect, spending the day having sex with Regina in the home she shared with Killian didn’t seem like the best thing to have done. Everywhere she looked she thought about Regina and that was not going to help.

Emma wasn’t planning to tell him tonight, that much she was sure of. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Regina had put her though her paces and all she wanted to do now was take a hot shower and go to sleep for many, many hours. 

Finally, the lock turned and Emma sucked in a breath. Killian smiled when he walked in and saw Emma. “Swan, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” 

He strode toward her and pulled Emma in for a kiss. And because she didn’t want to fight tonight, didn’t want the whole sordid thing to come out, she let him. 

His lips were firm, dry, and much too big. His breath was hot and stale, and the stubble on his chin grated Emma’s face. She hated herself for allowing it, for what she knew would enrage Regina, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything else.

_This is it. Just these last moments together before it’s over. I owe him this._

Killian pulled back and looked at her with a grin, then circled the island to open a cabinet. He pulled out two glasses and put them down on the counter. Then he revealed a bottle that Emma hadn’t seen he was carrying. He poured them two healthy servings. 

“The finest rum one can find, apparently,” he said, handing a glass to Emma. “To Mr. Smee.”

Emma looked at him incredulously but clinked her glass anyway and took a sip. It was smooth, she’d give it that. 

“Uh, why are we drinking to Mr. Smee?” 

“Well he bought this for me,” Hook said, taking a large drink from his glass and nodding appreciatively. “For my birthday. This and a massage. That one was unexpected.”

_SHIT, his birthday. Please tell me it’s not today._

“But it’s not until Thursday, right?” she asked nervously.

“Yes, but he said he wanted me to have the massage on my birthday,” Hook said awkwardly. He cleared his throat. “I’ll need to schedule that.”

Emma almost laughed but then stopped herself when she remembered what a rotten shit she was.

Hook took another drink and then looked at Emma thoughtfully. “You know, a birthday was never something I thought about before you. But now that I have a family, and friends, you know, people who care… Well, I’m actually looking forward to it.” He grinned and looked away. 

There was no other way to put it: Emma felt like the hugest asshole alive. 


End file.
